Beware of your Pediatrician & School Counselors, Americans!

Mothers! Protect your children if you love them.

Sounds crazy, right?  But it’s not.  Many pediatricians have become Progressive activists.  How many of you are being groomed by these political agents?  Let me describe the grooming process:  when your child is about 8 or nine, the pediatrician starts introducing the idea that at some time in the near future, they will want to spend time alone with your child- to get them ready for the time when they first go to a doctor on their own, without their parents.  Sounds cozy, huh?  A pediatrician that cares so much about your kid that they want to help ease them into their first, adult solo physical checkup.

Then, at around 11 years old, the pediatrician will actually ask the parent to step out of the room ‘for a few minutes’.  Then at around 12, the pediatrician will tell you that you must leave the room when the kid is 13 years old.  MY pediatrician just blatantly LIED to me and told me that Washington State Law demands that I leave the room.

Now, Parents, I can tell you that I always told my pediatricians, “No.  That will not happen with my daughter.  I will be here to ensure that she is ok. ”  They always were annoyed, but left it be.  I have a new pediatrician who just told me that I MUST leave the room when my daughter turns 13- which will happen in August.  I was enraged.  I told her that this would never happen.  Further, I asked her why she & other pediatricians kept demanding this.

She asked, “Don’t you want your daughter to trust her doctor?”

Sputtering, I asked, “What does that have to do with me leaving?”

She said, “Well, this is just what we think is best for kids at this age.  She might want to talk to me about things that she can’t talk about in front of you.”

I stated, “Look.  She is my responsibility and I don’t ever leave her alone with any adult.  Further, how dare you imply that my daughter should trust you more than me?”  I said, “The only things you would talk to her, without me being present, are pregnancy, STDs, birth control and abortion.”  She just lifted an eyebrow.  “These are critical things in my daughter’s life and they belong under my care.  Shame on you!  Shame on you for attempting to get between my daughter & me.”

She said, “But I always tell the children to bring the adults in on everything.  I ensure to include the parents in on as much as possible.”

Flabbergasted, I asked, “Are you saying that if my daughter was pregnant and wanted an abortion- but didn’t want you to tell me, you would tell me anyway?”

She ducked her pretty little head and said, “Well… I would have to respect her privacy rights according to the law, of course.”

I asked, “What law are you referencing, doctor?  I know there are laws in some states that allow a 13 year old to seek an abortion without parental consent.  But what law are you referencing that would force me out of the room at a pediatrician’s office?”

She said, “I have no idea- you can talk to my office manager.  This is just how I want to run my practice.  It’s what I believe in.”

I took my kids and left that practice immediately.  When I got home, of course I reviewed all relevant current law.  I found NOTHING to verify her claims.  She LIED to me about the law in her need to get my daughter under her influence.

You know, Parents, my first objection was all about my daughter’s safety.  While this particular doctor is female, there are many male pediatricians too.  Imagine leaving your precious 13 year old daughter, many of whom are fully developed physically, ALONE with a male doctor.  Child predators intentionally take professional positions where they have trusted relationships with children- priests, pastors, coaches, Boy Scout Leaders, teachers, etc.  There is no WAY I would leave my girl alone with any adult for this reason.  But being politically educated alerted me immediately to what the TRUE intention of this new pediatric protocol.  Note that when she attempted to force me from the room, she never stated the reason why.  Only when I confronted her on the matter did she admit it.

My daughter told me that her school counselor had a group session (unbeknownst to me) with all the 6th graders last year where she told them that if they needed help for ANY  REASON (parental interpretation: considering sex, birth control, suicide,  murder, drugs or abortion), they could come to her and she didn’t need to tell their parents.

Parents, BEWARE of pediatricians & school counselors.  There is ZERO law that forces you to allow them access to your child.  They are aware of some states’ law that allows your child to seek their services without your knowledge.  And not only do they go out of their way to tell your 13 year olds this information, but they do it behind your back.  If they didn’t go out of their way to tell your kids they could have abortions & birth control at 13 without your knowledge, your kid would never know.   They are making YOU into the enemy to be feared.  YOU are the one to be distrusted.  And THEY are the good guys who will have your kid’s back.  But when the inevitable physical & emotional harm is done, they leave you with the pain, sorrow and medical bills.  And they leave your kid with nothing.

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124 comments

      • I’m not surprised, SLR. School counselors always did some informally, the difference being that their message reinforced the parents authority not undermined it. It had to do with needing to talk to somebody other than your parents especially when that relationship was strained.

        This is a horse of an entirely different color, of course, and not to be tolerated. It’s just insane to further tear down the morality of this country. I’m as close to speechless as I ever get. Good thing you know what I’m trying to say.

  1. Her intent seemed pretty sinister just from your account of that incident, SLR. I’m glad you left with your child. It’s unacceptable when kids are being taught to view parents as adversaries.

    • You are so right, Dope. Now I feel the responsibility to spread the warning to unsuspecting & trustful parents. If this was just one doctor, I would not think it a big deal. Sadly, THREE pediatricians in a row have requested this. THIS doctor is the only one to disrespect my wishes and lie to me about the law. This political activism & bullying of Americans must stop. And we are the ones to stop it!

    • Jessica, here is the scary truth: a 13 year old can’t get an antibiotic without a parent’s approval- but they can get an abortion, psychiatric treatment for depression, birth control & STD treatment with NO parental permission. do we have this backwards, or what? The REAL problem is the bullying being done in pediatric offices. This is SYSTEMIC and has been worked into each & every pediatrician’s office protocol. They are being taught in school how to ‘ease’ parents into accepting this ‘time alone’ with their 13 year old by ‘practicing’ it before hand on the younger children. They want to secretely tell our kids about Planned Parenthood (one of the ONLY doctors offices that will perform abortions on kids) and the secrecy they have a right to. They DON’T tell the parents that THIS is what they plan on talking to their 13 year old about BEFORE they ask the parent to leave the room. These people are the WORST of activists. They are, literally, using the sacred trust we place in them to help our little ones to further their political agenda.

  2. I would never ever leave a my child alone with anyone. This is so wrong. They are giving your child the okay to not trust your parents, but they are to be trusted. Has our country lost the sense of right and wrong. Just think what the Nanny state will look like if Obama wins another term. This is horrifying.

    • Muse, I agree wholeheartedly. The Progressive move to destroy the family unit is pervasive in their political agenda. That is why they are shoving homosexual marriage and adoption down our throats under the guise of ‘fairness’. Their true goal is to break our trust in God, the Family and each other.

  3. I am so glad that you went public with this Susan, parents need to be aware of what their rights are and that they are being abused to influence the children. This is horrific and demeaning to the parents and manipulating the children at a very vulnerable and sensitive time. God bless you my friend and I am going to repost this!

  4. I am going to have to repost this manually Susan, wordpress is not letting me do it. Nor did I get an email notifying me of your post my friend, this is getting terribly annoying. It is only thanks to Sami that I knew of it and I am so glad that he notified me!

    • Loopy, I think I am under some kind of surveillance via spy software. There are just too many little tricky things happening to my home computer, my blog, my FB, etc. Nothing works right anymore. Just wait until these Progressives get their hands ‘officially’ on the Internet! Please make sure that you have subscribed to my blog as a WHOLE and not just to an article. Susan

      • I am Susan and this is the second time in a week that I have resubscribed. I just checked my subscriptions and you are still not listed! Along with that they have unsubscribed me from a few others. I am going to fill out your email form my friend and see if it will work that way. I am almost to the point where I am going to leave wordpress, this is just getting to be way too much. If Sami hadn’t told me about your post I would have missed it and this one needs to be spread around my friend!

      • Loopy, I checked my followers and found you there. I checked the link and it works. Have you checked your spam filter in WordPress? Perhaps my name got in there? or my blog name? Or, you can check your internet spam filters for my name. As for an email sign up form, I’m not sure. I know I have people who follow via email. I’m not sure how that works. I’m going to sign our of wordpress and see what I see as a ‘stranger’. will get back.

      • So, when you are already signed into WordPress (is your blog a wordpress blog?), the Follow tag is in the upper left hand corner. WordPress obviously see us as either 1) not a word press user- when we are not signed in and will display an email ‘follow’ tag in the lower right hand corner OR 2) a wordpress member because we are signed in and will display the tag in the upper left corner. It will sign you up accordingly. If your blog is not a WordPress blog, then perhaps there are some issues with connectivity & communication? these folks are always changing the programming! I would write an ‘issue’ to the WP team. They are very good at fixing and/or responding to tech. issues! Susan

      • I am a wordpress blog Susan, and I have clicked both the follow button on top plus the space at the bottom of the post for following both the post and the site. Unfortunately even though wordpress is saying I am subscribed, I am not receiving emails when you post. I checked my settings and I am supposed to receive them, I just am not getting them. I even checked my own spam filter, but it is not going there either. That was the reason I asked if you had a separate email sign-up, some people do and I was going to try it that way as well. It worked with RJ at Real Christianity when I wasn’t receiving his.

      • I don’t know if there is a separate email function above & beyond what I told you. Have you reported the problem with WP? That might be the next step. Sometimes the Theme we choose has built in problems. These are usually identified on their help blog.

  5. […] Now, Parents, I can tell you that I always told my pediatricians, “No.  That will not happen with my daughter.  I will be here to ensure that she is ok. “  They always were annoyed, but left it be.  I have a new pediatrician who just told me that I MUST leave the room when my daughter turns 13- which will happen in August.  I was enraged.  I told her that this would never happen.  Further, I asked her why she & other pediatricians kept demanding this. Please read the rest of Short Little Rebels post and experience with this at her site: Short Little Rebel […]

  6. Good information! A doctor asking a parent to leave the room should be a red flag to any parent. Are most parents just agreeing to this without asking any questions? I find that deplorable!

  7. I have always taken my son to our family doctor not a pediatrician. Not that it can make that much difference but since my son doesn’t have any particular issues a famlly practitioner is perfectly adequate. You were right to yank your kids out of that practice. I would have done the same.

    When my son was in 6th grade they had this horrible “Life” lesson (can’t remember the name) for several weeks that included a workbook. It covered topics such as smoking, drugs, bullying, anger management, etc. My son brought the workbook home the first week (parents were not told this was being taught during English class, no less) and during class he had answered some of the questions in the workbook. I asked him who saw the workbook and he replied that he accidently brought it home, he was supposed to leave it in class. I told him NOT to fill out any other information. I called the school and wrote a note to the teacher informing them that while he had my permission to participate in the lesson, he would not be filling out the workbook and his grade had better not be affected. Then we had a conversation with him–which is reiterated each school year–do not relay personal information aside from name, address, phone # to any school teacher or administrator. It has become the norm for doctors, school officials to ask questions such as “Do you have guns in the house?” “Do your parents drink?” . We need to be very careful on so many levels. The goal of big government advocates is to take over the raising of our children and it’s up to us to say NO.

    • Freedom, I wonder when the school protocol changed from “If you keep doing that, Johnny, I’m going to call your parents!” to “Did you kids know that you can come to us for ANYTHING, including drug use, depression, suicide, thoughts of murder, abortion, contraception, etc and we will help you- AND we don’t have to tell your parents ANYTHING because you are legally protected FROM them.”? This is the message at school and they didn’t even tell us parents that they would be saying that- secretly- during their ‘drug & alcohol’ session.

      They are being taught that the Institution is more trustworthy than their parents. We have become their enemy.

      • Seriously? Come on! You serioulsy going to think that underfunded public school wants to take ANYTHING? I don’t know what planet that place would be but we are cautioned on recommending outside services because we are afraid the parents would want the school to pay for it. School personnel have way too much to do than solicit children for all this. The fact is that kids who DON’T have that person in their life, they may need someone to talk to about such stuff. I for one… hardly have such time.

      • Joey, I don’t believe the school staff wants to do anything malicious. Most teachers are good (though most are liberals) and don’t allow their bias to show in class. But they WILL go with the program handed down to them. And I DO believe that the school admin at the federal level has EVERY intention of using schools to gather information about their parents and home life. I have SEEN the forms myself. My children have ALL told me about the ‘assemblies’ where the school counselor tells them that they won’t tell their parents if they come to them for help- including for pregnancy or drugs or abortions!! So while most teachers are good people, the SYSTEM is carried out with precision- to the detriment of Americans.

  8. Sorry to burst your bubble there Short Little Rebel, but it is a legal right in nearly every state for teens to get the help they need, without their parents consent. And while you might hate that law to pieces, its there for a good reason, to protect our children from misguided parents. Parents who dont want to believe their child is depressed enough to need help to keep from committing suicide. Who need help getting an abortion after their father got them pregnant in the first place. Yes, it is repugnant, but it does happen, and the law is built to help these children in dire need. What are you afraid of leaving your daughter a for a very few moments alone with a woman doctor? Are you really that afraid she will assault her sexually? Or are you afraid she will be exposed to topics you dont believe in, like abortion and birth control? If you think she doesnt know about these topics, you are very misguided.

    • biki,

      sorry to burst YOUR bubble. First, you obviously don’t have kids. If you did, you would be infuriated that anyone thought they were more trustworthy than you.

      Second, my kids ALL know everything there is to know about sex, abortion, drugs, depression, etc. Even my eight year old could pretty much describe menstration, erection, intercourse, etc. In fact, my kids are more educated in these areas than any of their friends. I believe in being 100% honest with my kids and never hide a single fact from them. HOWEVER, I add the human element to the cold, hard, facts. Things like, “Save your body for someone who LOVES you. No one feels good having sex with a stranger. And the person who LOVES you – rather than just your body- will want to MARRY you.” Which is true. Because I love my children, I advise them while I deliver these facts. This advice will, I pray, save them from much pain in their lives. I tell them right up front that if they get drunk at a party, CALL ME and they will not be punished. I tell them that if they get pregnant (or someone pregnant), TELL ME and I will 100% support them in everything they do. But I will most definitely advise them as a loving parent. Planned Parenthood will just schedule them gleefully for an abortion. For a 13 year old, that could have everlasting effects on their emotional health. I CARE and Planned Parenthood doesn’t.

      Third, 99% of parents love their children as much as I do, biki. They are the best ones to help their children when they are in crisis. All these Progressives are doing is attempting to paint parents as the enemy. Because they want the children to fear the very morality that the parents will wish to teach their kids.

      Lastly, about sexual predation. Your comment, “Are you really that afraid she will assault her sexually?” is so dumb that I know you don’t have kids- also you are lacking in logic. First, the law doesn’t care if the pediatrician is male or female. You can’t say, ‘if the pediatrician is female, it is ok to leave your 13 year old daughter alone with them in an examination room where they can be asked to undress, to be touched in their private parts, etc by a trusted adult’. No, you make equal laws for both sexes. Therefore, a law forcing parents out of the room is to endanger at LEAST half of the 13 year olds in America. AND of COURSE I worry about my daughter being sexually molested! Every parent does. The few who don’t are either stupid, ignorant or selfishly careless. Child molestation & rape are rampant- and guess who the perpetrators ALWAYS are? TRUSTED adults in trusted positions. Child molestors become teachers, Scout leaders, priests, coaches, and…Pediatricians. So, biki, you really need to grow up. You have NO IDEA what you are talking about. You are the product of the new public education system in America. YOU are the exact result that the Progressives have been working toward for the past 50 years. Congratulations.

  9. Well, you are wrong on several accounts. Yes, I do have children, four of them in fact. Who have all grown up to be healthy happy productive adults. And No 99% of most parents do not love or care for their children. We have fostered way to many kids for us to believe that number.

    But y’all just go on with your boogy man behind every door mentallity, and I still 100% believe that your kids dont tell you everything. They are just being normal kids.

    • Foster kids, huh? any of your own? don’t believe that the VAST majority of people love their kids,huh? And you think I have boogy men, huh? I’ll tell you one thing, Missy. My kids tell me the stuff that counts. They sure wouldn’t head out to tell a complete stranger before they tell me. Perhaps it is YOU that your kids don’t trust. Sounds like they went off and did things YOU didn’t know about. Perhaps YOU are glad they went to complete strangers for help because YOU weren’t around to help them in their time of need. Maybe YOU didn’t equip YOUR kids and so assume that the rest of us don’t. You are pushing your own failures on the rest of us parents. You sound bitter, my dear. But I’m not. And ALL the parents I know LOVE their kids more than they love the air they breath. I don’t know a single parent that wouldn’t die for their kids. Do you know how many kids 1% of the United States is? Alot. THOSE kids need to be fostered and there aren’t a lot of foster parents. Just because you earned money taking care of these kids doesn’t mean that you have experienced the MILLIONS of other kids who have loving, dedicated parents. Biki, I get a feeling that you are one of those people who LOVE free stuff that Progressives are promising. After all, you have already earned a living off of fostering kids. Why not more money from the government? You have an exceptionally narrow world view.

      • I will just say/ The proof will be in the pudding! When all kids reach a certain age their hormones will be making decisions instead of thoughtful consideration on certain matters. I am a high school teacher, and I see first hand the students that are expecting their first and second child. It has nothing to do with parenting, it has to do with the fact that children will test the waters. When a child makes a bad decision, it is not always the parents fault. That would be like saying that all serial killer parents did not do their job as parents. It simply means that an individual is making decisions on their own without necessarily telling anyone those thoughts.I have three kids, two adult and one still in high school. I have done everything I can to raise responsible kids. So far so good. But it is not over yet. I will have to wait a lifetime to make sure that my parenting and my children’s ability to make good life decisions on their own.
        And I would like to leave a final thought, again, I am a teacher, and in the years of teaching, I can not tell you the children that have come to me to confide their suicidal thoughts. SOmething that they would not think of telling their parents. I can not help but think since it is not the coundelors job to listen to the children do we as teachers keep quiet about the students that open up to us and just let the potentially harmful actions take place. In my state, if a child makes me aware of harmful actions they are considering, we have to report.it. It could mean our job! So, what do we do?

    • Thank you so much for this informative article. I have a daughter who is about to turn nine and I appreciate the warning. You have a wonderful blog that I have been enjoying.

      • Sharon,

        thank you for your kind words. Yes, you will see the grooming at the pediatrician begin very soon. Believe me when I say that there are NO LAWS that can force you out of that room. You need to especially be careful of male pediatricians. There have been too many cases of sexual assault & rape w/ male pediatricians. You are lawfully allowed to say, “No thankyou. I will be remaining in the room for every exam.”

    • This just happened to me yesterday, my daughter turned 13 last week and it was our first time at this office. I questioned the doctor on this and she said that my daughter will fill me in on what she asked, I did leave the room, I let the doctor know that I was not comfortable with this but she said it is something they do now. I only left for a minute and got called back in for her to examine my daughter. I think next year I am going to go to a different doctor, but before I go will question what their practices are regarding well visits.

      • Victoria. The answer to your dilemma is simple. Just. Say. No. Don’t leave and simply tell them, “I realize that this is the standard of care- however, I do not agree with it. I will always remain in the room.” They have ZERO options other than to honor your decision. They can NOT deny you care at that point, neither can they force you to leave. Just be polite, but firm. Unless you get a real wacko like I did, you will be fine. Remember, Victoria, you are providing an example to your girl. If YOU are afraid of standing for your God given rights, then she will also be afraid. Embarrassment can not take the place of providing a safe doctor’s environment for our kids…good luck to you and be strong! I know you can! ;-D

  10. Thank you for the information. I came across your blog while trying to research what counselors are allowed to ask your children. I have a eight year old that came home and told me that her school counselor is asking all the kids if their parents smoke or drink at home, and if they know anyone that smokes and drinks. I find this line of questioning very inapropriate to be asking eight year olds about their family. I understand the need to protect kids from harm, but really, what parent does not have a drink every once in a while?

    I am a firm believer that it is no ones business what happens in my home. If I want to have a drink it is no ones business, and if I want to light up a cigarette it is no one business. I have six kids and we make sure that we have ‘the talk’ about everything (drugs, sex, peer pressure, etc..) with all of the kids. What right does she have to interfere with that?

    Maybe you can help me with this, I am not finding answers to my question of what a school counselor is allowed to ask your child at school.

    • Hi Renee, I feel your pain. You may call your school and tell them that you don’t wish your children to take part in these classes. They usually call this ‘health class’. I told them I wanted my kids in gym instead and it was done. They do not have the right to ask your kid a single question that you do not approve of. Neither does your doctor. They just act like they do in the hopes of intimidating parents into obedience. As they say, “Just say NO”.

    • Renee,

      I am an elementary school counselor myself. Unfortunately one of my schools has adopted this phillsophy of parental consent. Yes, I did say unforunately. Teachers can talk to kids while I can’t. I am allowed to go to classes to conduct lessons but that is it as far as my ability to talk with kids. You mentioned what goes on in your house is your business. So let me ask you… if a child is being hurt in your house wouldn’t that hold the same? I realize that you are a caring parent… but don’t you think that there are others that don’t have that same background that your child has?

      I think it is HEALTHY to talk about what kids see in their homes. I hate all the secret stuff that kids bottle up. So yes, when they say my mom drinks… they see that everyone else has a mom that drink and then they find out it is a norm. Sure there are things that appropriate and inappropriate to bring up. Fortunately I am not at this school except for one day a week. My other schol is flooded with kids to talk to, not here. As far as what school counselors can talk about… whenever things are controversial such as sex… I steer away. I personally feel that my kids SHOULDN’T know too much about this (although I know that they do).

      As far as the medical exams go… I can not think of any greater shame that my daughter would have at age 13 when she is continuing to mature to have me in the exam room with her. I think at some point parents have to have trust in their child. That to me is what the parent is really saying. Seriously… would the author of this note want the girls dad to see her? Then why should the mom be in the exam room? Just a thought.

      • Joey, you being a man, OF COURSE you wouldn’t stay in the room. Why the heck wouldn’t your wife do it? Did I say that DADS should be in the room? Are you that dense? But do I detect a woman missing in your household? Why would a shrink not have a woman around? I mean, even your mother, your sister, your aunt? Why wouldn’t it be OBVIOUS to you to bring the women in your life together when your girl needs a woman around? Could it be because YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH A WOMAN? And yet, you want to advise OTHERS about how to parent or advise students about how their parents should be?

        As for YOU, a stranger at school, talking to my kids- go fly a kite. I’m SURE you think it’s ‘unfortunate’ that you can’t stick your busy body nose into everyone’s business. Like most progressives, you believe YOU are superior to their stupid, ignorant, uneducated parents, right? I’m sure you and you wife never fight or drink too much or ever even poop badly- that is, IF you are still together (which I highly doubt- no married guy takes his little GIRL to these exams- not unless they HAD to).

        It is my experience that the most screwed up people of all become shrinks. And yet, they want to tell other people what to do. The sheer arrogance of your statement blows me away. The day that the LAW allows strangers to have rights over a parent’s children is the day Americans will rise and SMASH you down. And don’t say your school ‘adopted THIS philosophy’ of parental consent. What a brute! THAT IS THE WAY IS HAS ALWAYS BEEN! Only recently, very recently, have idiots like you begun to think it RIGHT and good that strangers should have more authority over their children than the parents.

  11. Don’t forget Dad’s care about their children too now a days. Have you noticed that there is rarely a loving quote or much of anything that refer to us fathers. Maybe you can look into that and blog as well. Thanks for the advice.

  12. I agree with many of your views, and i think it is crazy that they try to cut parents out of a kids personal life. However, you refference laws a lot, but i didn’t see that there was any information on it. They are refferencing HIPAA. The Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act of 1996 (HIPAA) Privacy and Security Rules. This says that your child is entitled to 100% confedentiality from their parents (for certain topics, such as sexual activity) begining at the age of 12. You can get more info here: http://www.hhs.gov/ocr/privacy/ i believe everyone should be informed.

  13. I stumbled upon your blog because I’m looking for a solution with a dilemma we are having with the school counselor. A month ago we were casually told by the teacher that our son is having one on one sessions with this counselor. Reasons are : he is a shy boy, he still cries sometimes (first grade) he gets nervous, he is eager to please adults. None of these things have hindered his academic advancement. He’s always have very good grades. We’ve been asking him for the last month if this is true, if he is meeting with the counselor, we felt we should have been notified and if there is something wrong with our kid, we want to help him, too. He’s always denied it. Today we had a meeting with the counselor and yes! they’ve had one on one sessions. This is so sad! They are getting to him, our son has been lying and we are the bad guys. I don’t know what to do. I want to go and speak with the principal because this demonstrate to me that their only goal is to demean parental authority and influence. This is breaking our hearts.

    • ADDIE!! Take your child out of that school immediately. AND write a scathing letter to both your principle, your School Superintendent AND your representative & senator. Also, call the local newspaper and tell them about it. Make sure that when you write your scathing letter to the principle that you copy all these people on it- including the politicians and newspaper reporter- so that everyone can see that you mean business right out of the gate. I kid you not. If you do not do this, they will take a truck and run over you. And it will be your SON who will suffer.

      You don’t seem to know that you have EVERY LEGAL RIGHT to tell them to STOP meeting with your son. In fact, you have every legal right to tell them that they may NEVER, ever meet alone with your son without your permission again- or you will sue their pants off. You need to raise holy hell- this will not only bring you the support you need emotionally, but you will be helping so many other parents out there.

      Also, talk to your son and tell him what I have told my children: they are allowed to say ‘NO’ to a teacher or a fireman or a police man if they feel something weird is going on. They can scream, ‘no’ for all I care. I will back them up 100% even if they are wrong- as long as they did it because they felt scared or weirded out over the adult’s request. Tell them that ALL family information- including medicines, discipline methods, guns and any other family thing is 100% private. Tell them that by law, no one may ask these questions and force a child to answer them. Your child has every legal right to say no to counseling or to even being in a room alone with any adult. Give him complete FREEDOM to do this. Tell him the truth- if the school, doctor, or counselor doesn’t like his parents, they will take him away from them and he may never see them again. He must know the danger he is in. We live in a time where Christians who believe in discipline, gun ownership and private ownership are being targeted via their children. They are data mining by giving our kids questionnaires and making them believe they must fill it out when it is absolutely not so. I was so proud of my son when he came home after having been given such a questionnaire. It was asking how well his parents got along. He wrote, “I don’t see how this is any of your business.” lol! I high fived him. We can not coddle our kids. We must teach them about reality. And we, ourselves, MUST become educated on what is happening all around us. Dangerous laws are being passed. And almost no one knows it. Sad.

      Do not let some progressive liberal shrink get a hold of your son. Cause the next thing you know, they will tell you he is actually gay or some other such bullshit.

      The attack on our children and on our families is VERY REAL. I have stood up and I have fought. They are, quite frankly, terrified of pissing me off again. And that, my friend, is as it should be! Do these things NOW.

  14. Hello :). I looked up a question on google asking if it was normal for the dr to ask your child if they wanted you in the room or not and came accross your article. My daughter is 8 and went in today for her well child check up with a dr we have never seen (i am currently looking for a new one, our old one moved away) and right away, after introducing herself, she asked my 8 yr old “do you want mom to stay in or go out for the exam?”. I was pretty shocked. I knew my daughterwas going to say she wanted me to stay, and she even looked a bit surprised herself….i wasnt sure if this was normal or not. My child is an 8 year old! Of course I am staying in the room with her, I wouldnt of cared if she had asked me to leave or not, because I wouldnt have, because she is 8! i am a younger parent (26 years old, hadmy daughter at 18) and have had a bit of distressing actions from others before, like they assume that because my daughter has a bruise on her leg that young mommy might not be doing her job properly, or treating me like I am uneducated because I am younger….i know I shoukdnt take offence to it, they dont know my personal story, or that me and my husband have been together since we were both 14, or that I grew up quicker then most through my childhood due to what was going on….i am a very educated person, have gone through school, college, life etc. I guess i was looking to see if this was something i was singled out in and it doesnt sound like i was! Is it really that commom now for them to ask an 8 year old child that question!?!?

    • YES! And you had better check out you school. They now REGULARLY give assembly speeches (without your prior knowledge or consent) that tell students they may come to the school councilor for ANYTHING- sex, drugs, birth control and abortion. AND they make sure to emphasize to the children, ‘We will not tell your parents about any of it.’ We live in a completely different world than the one in which we grew.

  15. Okay I read the article and many of the comments. I understand the author’s point of view, but I feel it is a bit extreme. I am a Christian teenager who just became an adult student at the high school I attend. I have been in private school up until high school. I can honestly say most students hate the counselors. They are useless and cause more trouble than good. How? By telling parents. I said to another student when I was under stress sometimes I thought it would be nice to be dead. I was simply venting, but when I was reported I was infuriated. I talked to my counselor and she said she believed me and wouldn’t tell my parents. Then she told my parents and I got carted off to the ER for an unnecessary psychological evaluation. Then I was told that it was a waste of money by my parents. I have just been reported for being depressed (with my past who wouldn’t be? But I digress). I came across this article when searching for what counselors legally have to tell parents. Because I do not want them to know. Yes, I trust other adults more than my parents. Maybe you haven’t had to work with a troubled teen, but parents are not the ones we want to know about our issues. Because their reactions are all wrong. I was cutting and when my parents found out they were disappointed and angry and yelled at me. That ruined everything. I would never and will tell them anything unless I have to. Friends and other adults are better confidants because they seem to actually care and have an appropriate reaction. I love God very much and tend to be fundamentalist when interpreting the Bible and I honor my parents. I love them. But I don’t trust them. They have done too much to hurt me. They have broken my trust pointlessly and now I am done talking to them. If I felt they would actually help, then I would talk to them. But they’re just legal guardians (and not anymore) to me. Not confidants. And they never will be. I hope you understand that parents are often not the best people to know about every situation. I respect that you would want to know, and my parents would want to know, but I believe you are incorrect in saying that people should fear them. I only fear them because they tell my parents about my personal struggles which I am working on. My parents only make it worse. Just thought I’d share because this hit very close to home.

    • Hi Elizabeth, thanks for commenting. Interesting to hear your perspective. Listen. Things are changing very fast with these counselors. Your counselor used her discretion to tell your parents- and in my opinion still did the right thing. The problem is this: the LAW gives counselors and pediatricians the OPTION of not telling parents. That is not ok. You are very, very young. You sound as if you are only 18 or 19 years old. I don’t want to patronize you but there IS truth in the fact that I have lived 30 years longer than you. I consider myself to be intelligent and quite hungry for the truth. I have spent my life seeking it. I still don’t have much of it. But probably more than most. Not because I am more awesome than others but because I dedicate most of my life seeking it. Now, on that basis alone, I will say the following to you. You said,

      “Friends and other adults are better confidants because they seem to actually care and have an appropriate reaction.” and “I hope you understand that parents are often not the best people to know about every situation.”

      Ok. I was 18, 19, 20 , etc years old too. I had really crapola parenting in my young life. I had to fight my way out of depression, etc. So, I know what it is to live under parents ‘who always have the wrong reaction.” And I was angry at my parents for many, many years. But I have been around the block too many times, Elizabeth. And here is what I now know: my parents never had to keep me at all. They could have just dropped me off at some government site and said, ‘Sorry. I can’t care for you any longer.” My husband is a federal probation officer- his case load is FULL of people whose parents did just that thing to them. That would have put you into the dreaded and truly awful foster care system. Let me tell you something, NO ONE loves you like your parents do. Even if they are BAD parents, they still love you more than anyone else. Even if they are broken people themselves, they still love you more than any other human being on this planet will. If they didn’t love you enough or didn’t love you the way you wanted to- doesn’t matter. They still love you more than anyone else in this sad world. The rest of the world will watch you dying on the sidewalk under a freezing cold blanket and walk merrily by, flirting with each other while you freeze to death. That is reality.

      You THINK the other adult cares more and you THINK your friends care more. But you are wrong. Dead wrong. They LIKE you- they don’t truly love you. So it is easier for them to ‘not have a wrong reaction’. Also, when they give you advice, they are not responsible for how your life will turn out if you take it. They can say easy things to make you feel better- but the things they say might not be what you NEED to hear. Difficult things. Critical things. Things YOU have done wrong that need to be corrected- for your own good! Their motive is to be as pleasant as possible to you so that you will continue to like them. They don’t want to fight with you! They know, deep down, that you aren’t their kid and that they will never have to bear any consequence if you fail or are get hurt. Your parents, on the other hand, see you as a lifetime relationship. They will never not be your parents. they will never not love you. Your life will always parallel theirs. Your happiness is their happiness. Your sorrow is their sorrow. Your success or failure is their success or failure. Since you don’t have kids yet, you don’t understand this kind of bond. You might even think you can say to your parents, “Just leave me alone. My life is my life and your life is yours. You are no longer responsible for me, ok? Just you live your life and I will live mine. I won’t blame you if I fail.” Well, that isn’t realistic! No parent can cease to love or care. It just won’t happen. So, consider yourself stuck with them forever and work with that. That is just the way it is with family. You can make it bad or you can make it good. But it and they will never go away. You should make the most of it.

      You say you can’t trust them. But I’m telling you that if you can’t trust them, you can’t trust anyone. Literally. Because no one will ever love you like they do, no one can be trusted anymore than they can be. Will they always say what you want to hear? No. Because they might feel it is necessary to correct you. That’s their job. Will that make you mad? yes. Sometimes they will be wrong in their judgement. No doubt about it. But the one thing you can be assured of is that they are acting in love and faithfulness to you. Love ensures that their motives are good. Others have selfish motives. Only true love can ensure proper motives in advice giving.

      If you fell on hard times, would that other adult let you live with them, for free, for however long it took you to get back on your feet? No. Would your friend bust their hump to make the money it takes to cloth and feed you? no. Because they are doing their very best just to keep themselves afloat! Only family (specifically, parents) will do this.

      You say you respect your parents- but you don’t. (not trying to antagonize, but trying to answer honestly). You only think they did bad things to you but fail to see the overwhelming good they did for you. The fact that you went to a private school tells me loads about them- they have sacrificed financially for you already. And this tells me load about you, too.

      You have lived a pampered life. That is why you don’t respect your parents. Did you know that pampering can lead to cutting and depression? It leads to a thing called, ‘entitlement’. As in, you think you are owed more than what is given. But you aren’t! No one is ‘owed’ a good life, good parents or a great upbringing. No one. Each of us gets our gifts and each of us gets our sour apples- all from God who knows just what we need to grow up strong in him. Guess what? The challenges we face are purposely given. We are to GROW THROUGH THEM. No one gets it all good. Young teens, especially, need firm discipline and even more importantly, something to DO. Something meaningful. Something hard. But when they are done with it, they are PROUD of themselves. That is what you need now. And I have a great suggestion for you below (toward the end).

      If you get anything good in life at all, you need to be thankful for it. God gave you those gifts. If you got something sour, you need to deal with it. You need to not blame others- or God- and understand that this is an area where you will need to pull more of your own weight.

      The reason you want to die (sometimes) and cut is because you fail to consider all that is good in your life. The fact that God gave you affluent parents who could send you to a top notch school. The fact that God let you be born in the richest nation in the world. The fact that you are healthy. The fact that you have other friends and family to talk to. The fact that your parents loved you enough to keep you, cloth you, raise you. The fact that you are not homeless, can find food to eat and probably have a great life ahead of you- with college, a great job, marriage and wonderful kids in your future! ALL these are gifts given to you by your parents and God! Think about that! Think foster kids have the same chance at those things as you, a graduate from private schooling, has?

      You are SURROUNDED by blessings from God and all you see is that your parents didn’t have the ‘right’ response to your cutting- or other failings of theirs.

      Not one of those adults or friends you speak of would do even 1/100th of what your parents have done thus far. Not one. Of that, I can assure you. Nor do they LOVE you. They LIKE you, they don’t love you.

      Your parents would probably be willing to give their life in exchange for yours if it came down to it. Would those parents and friends? No. Of course not. That is the difference between love and like.

      It’s not that I don’t understand your frustration. I do. Been there, done that. But I have many years on you. many years to think about my parents and me and others. My mother really sucked at being a mother. but she loved me. That I now know. My father wasn’t doing a very good job when I was small. But he worked three jobs to raise me. They didn’t need to be poor raising four kids. They CHOSE to do so. And my Dad is now the greatest Dad a girl could ever wish for. He is a wonderful father and grandfather to my kids. See? Things can turn around over the years. Especially if you have the right mindset. And what is the mindset you need to have?

      THANKFULNESS!

      I am glad you trust in God. The next step is to spend all day every day THANKING GOD for everything in your life. There is not a single thing in your life that came except through God’s love for you, personally. You need to be a polite, gracious daughter to him and thank him all the time. For everything. When you spend your days in thanksgiving like this, your entire life will change for the better. You will never want to cut again. You will never wish for death again. You will find the joy that passes all understanding. THIS is the key to your happiness. And the day you change your mindset about your parents is the day you will LOVE your relationship with them. BE THANKFUL for everything they did for you. And FORGET all the things they didn’t do right. And you will have so much happiness in your life.

      Here is another thing I have learned- now, pay attention because this is very, very critical to your happiness. NO ONE will make you happy. lol. Does that sound dismal? But it is the truth. Many seek and seek and seek for that ‘special somebody’ that will make them happy. They fault person after person for being ‘selfish’ or for not understanding our pain, etc. But guess what? THEY thought YOU would make them happy! lol! And they are just as disappointed in you as you are with them. They are also looking for someone who doesn’t have any problems and that can lift them up so that they can be happy. That is why people divorce!

      Your parents can’t make you happy. A boyfriend can’t make you happy. A friend can’t make you happy. A husband can’t make you happy. Babies can’t make you happy. Cutting won’t make you less miserable- neither will death. There is only ONE person who can make you happy- and that is CHRIST. Only by following him will you find true happiness in this life. Jesus told us the truth: LOSE your life and you will find TRUE LIFE. Try to HAVE and keep a life will result in losing your true life. Do you understand this? You must cease to ask for more in your life and simply be grateful for what God has so richly blessed you with. And then, you need to go out and SERVE others. THEN, you will find the joy that passes all understanding. Stop looking for people to have the ‘right reaction’ or to make you FEEL good or loved. Instead, turn it around and THANK everyone who has ever given you anything at all. Thank God who is the original source for all in your life.

      And then, lay your needs, wants, desires into the garbage can and ask the Lord, “What shall I do for YOU today?” And the Holy Spirit will FLOOD you with joy, girl! Now. Go to the Salvation Army and join their feed the need. Or go to your church and join some event that will help the poor in your neighborhood. That is how you will see how very lucky you are. You will see the hungry, the outcast, the sick, the mentally deranged, the hopeless and the poor with your own eyes. You will never be the same girl again.

      I do hope you listen to this very sound advice. You have many years ahead of you. If you follow this advice, they will be beautiful years. If you don’t, they will be years of struggling. Please make the right choice! love in Christ, Susan

      • Wow. Very well written Susan! We understand your situation Elizabeth. Many people will when they read it. I think Susan may have overstepped a boundary or two there with you. It is my hope you can see past that and read the rest of what she’s saying. Not what she said. You understand?. 🙂

        We all suffer a certain amount of humility toward our parents as we grow older and realize the world we live in. Unfortunately time is the only real factor in learning these lessons. The world shows it’s true colors when we are ready to see it. There is no way to prepare. Our sheltered lives as children really diminish the realities of the society we deal with day to day.

        I believe everything you’ve said Elizabeth. I too had a terrible mother. She raised me alone. My dad was never there. I probably met a good 40 or 50 boyfriends of hers through my childhood. They did cocaine, meth, etc together. She was drunk all the time basically. She used sex to get drugs even. It was pretty nuts. I haven’t ever been able to confide in her or trust her. To this day I have no relationship with her at all. I found that I do not actually love her. I always wanted to because that’s what I thought I was supposed to do. There just isn’t anything there to love.

        I hated her. HATED HER. All the time of my teenage years. Some of the worst things she did was; She made out with my girlfriend and hit on my guy friends as I was growing up and cheated on her 3rd husband with my friend up the road. It was very embarrassing in school. I was beat up and bullied at the 12 different schools I went to from moving in with so many men she met. I know today she never gave any good advise and really all she ever did was put me down and call me names. Tell me I wouldn’t ever amount to anything… etc.

        I could go on and on about all the stuff she did wrong. Now at 31 I can say that she did do this. She tried to keep me out of trouble. Paid for what she could to keep me clothed. And made sure I went to school. (however I did horrible in school). And that worked. I kept to myself and tore apart electric items like tvs, vcr’s, computers. I learned about all of the “stuff” that is inside these things.

        “At the end of the day”

        Some time ago… not too long ago. I realized that i’m responsible for all of my actions now. Turns out I always have been, even as a child. I can’t blame my mother or father for how I am today. I did. Believe me. Everything was their fault not too long ago!! If I said I wanted to die, now I know that the consequence of saying that to whoever I did, I then need to take full responsibility of the outcome. Even if someone tells on me. And man, did I screw up a lot. I was so lost. I said whatever just to see what happened. It caused me a lot of grief. But hey that grief paid off. It got me where I needed to be because while doing it wrong I always kept seeking answers. I no longer have a problem with a problem. haha get it. That’s life. It’s full of them. I’m human. Shit happens.

        Now instead of blaming my mother for who I am and why i’m not further along in my life I’m analyzing my history and the things that my mother did and how I saw it. I’m looking for answers for how to repair my thinking, my perspective and my self esteem. At my age things start to make sense. I can see how my past was influenced and I do what I can to see those errors. I’ve developed discipline from it.

        The past is the window to your future. Look through and see what is there. If you blame others for who you are today then focus on the glass. You’ll only see yourself in the reflection. That’s exactly what everyone else see’s.

        One of the key reasons I REALLY knew(Like it was for sure now) I needed to stop blaming my parents for who I am is when my son was born. I mean if I didn’t straighten up what am I gonna tell him later? I’m sorry son but I’m not sorry because it’s your grandmothers fault I am who I am; she owes you an explanation. LOL silly I know. But true.

        I found myself a counselor through the years to help me. Someone I could talk to. Someone who could give me the glue to put the pieces together and figure out the puzzle of life.

        I know there are differences between you and I. What I am trying to say is that, their intentions are not to hurt you. <– That is what your first thought needs to be when you are hurt by them. Take what you can from what they say. If you need someone to talk to for real, a shrink is the way to go. Not friends. As a matter of fact you can become a burden to them.

        I’m horrible at writing this stuff without taking a day to correct things. So pardon my scattered mumble jumble.

        And Susan. Earlier you told me “especially when they are still married to their mothers.” I am still married to my wife. However, it’s so painful for me to see someone say that. Sometimes our gender differences assume too much. The comment you made seems to assume that we are only as loving and nurturing as we were/are in our marriage. My mother cheated on my dad with a woman. She divorced him. She has always cheated on every person she’s been with. I have to hand it to my dad for trying in the first place.

        And as for me. I started crying whenever I held my son the first few months and I still do but I’m holding it back better now. The reason. Because I have never felt as loved or loved as much I love my little man. It’s an overwhelming emotion for me. Don’t get me wrong I love my wife very very much but i would die for my child before my wife. This mentality towards men makes it even harder to read articles and check up on issues of raising my son. They all lean firmly toward the mother as if the father didn’t matter at all. It’s so disappointing to me.

  16. I came across your blog after using Google to find some parents rights when it comes to Counselors at the schools.
    we are having a issue with a counselor at our school here just this last two weeks. My mother is a single parent and happens to works out of town 21 on 7 off at a camp job but my grandmother stays with her children well my sister happens to be 12 and about a week ago the counselor called my grandmother and told her my sister wants to meet with her about some issues she is having and that she sent home paper work for my grandmother to sign my grandmother explained to her my mother works away and she will be home in a little over a week and she will discuss it with her then as my grandmother is not my sisters legal guardian and does not feel comfortable in making that dissension well that was a week ago today my mother is due to come home and start her 7 days off and early this morning I had gotten a call from my mother telling me that the counselor had called her at work and that my sister was having issues and she needed to be picked up and taken to the emergency room for evaluation or child protective services was going to be called so of chores we headed to town as we live 30 or so minute’s out of town on the way there we had picked up my grandmother. When we got to the school we went to the front desk as usual and told the front desk lady that we where there because we were called to come in so she paged my sister to the offices well after a 20 minute wait and 5 pages in the school as well as outside the sectary went to go look for her after another 15 or so minutes they finally found out the without any prior acknowledgment to the school staff or us for that matter we where told the school counselor had taken her to the emergency room to be evaluated without any of us family there or permission !!!! is this even legal!!?!! well we hoped back into our vehicle and drove to the hospital once at the hospital the nurse wasn’t even going to let us see her at first once in the room we seen my sister was there as well as the counselor we also began to realise after the doctor came in that he had already evaluated her after all was said and done he said she had depression and prescribed her medication and a follow up appointment with a doctor in red deer which I looked him up and his reviews are terrible to the point people are saying not to talk your child to him I am so upset and agree about this whole situation I feel like as parents/family what ever little rights we have are being ignored and what’s more upsetting is my sister has never been a problem child never acted out always happy and laughing and just loving life like a normal 12 year old should

    • Ok. First. The parents have the legal right to send or not send their kid to a doctor. The fact that the school made decisions in the absence of the parents is a very shady business. The fact that the doctor examined the girl without the parents is also debatable. The problem is that your sister is 12. Most states have changed the laws so that a girl that age can make her own decision on whether or not to meet with a counselor or doctor. This is what I warned about in this article. If your sister voluntarily went to the counselor and voluntarily went to the ER, she has the legal right to do so. If she says she felt pressured or felt that she had to comply or get in trouble for balking against the school or doctor’s wishes, then the school and doctor are in legal trouble. however, if she says she understood that she didn’t have to talk to the counselor and didn’t have to go to the hospital and went anyway, then they are in the legal right and your parents can’t do anything about it. Your sister can also seek medication for depression, drug treatments and abortion on her own also. And there is nothing your parents can do.

      so, the real solution here is to determine if your sister felt compelled in anyway to talk to the counselor or the doctor. And then, the issue is to improve the relationship between parent and child. Your mother needs to discuss all this with your sister. SHE needs to the safe place for your sister to go if she has ANY problems. She has to trust her mother more than the strangers of this world. These types of discussions needed to happen well before this point. So your mother is to blame in this as well. But she can FIX the problem. She needs to spend more time with you kids. She needs to warn your sister that this world doesn’t care one bit about her. Only her mother and family and GOD care that much. She needs to trust your mother more. And she needs to believe that she can talk to your mother (or you) without fear of reprisal. I have made this completely clear to my kids. I am their best defense. I will help them no matter what. I will BE THERE for them no matter what happens. They can call me if they are drunk or high and I will come and get them. And I won’t punish them. I need them to know that I care more than anyone else in the world cares. I, like Christ, would die for them. That is what your mom needs to tell her kids.

  17. I understand everyone’s concern. As a physician and a parent…I understand both sides. As a family medicine physician, I see children, teens, and adults. I want to offer a different perspective. Parents…we don’t want to get your child alone to corrupt then, teach them not to trust you, slap them around or anything else. We are taught to do this to capture at risk children. We are trying to catch the child who is being beaten by their mother and is afraid to say. We are trying to catch the child whose scared to say that they are being sexually abused by their uncle but won’t say that in front of their dad. We have been given the task of protecting children who are not otherwise protected, and catching those at risk. For example…I had one mother with three daughters…two teens…one preteen. She refused to allow me to talk to her daughters alone. Her right. But I was worried as I saw something in the face of the middle one. I knew that she…was the wildchild…the one for whom her mothers preaching and scripture was not going to be enough. We did our well child checks…and moved on. Six months later…the mother returns, Bible in her hand, tears in her eyes, wanting STD testing for her daughter. Her daughter had chlamydia and thank goodness she wasn’t pregnant and had not contracted HIV. Could I have made a difference…maybe. But we will never know.

    I get it. I am a very protective mother. But please know…our goal is to help. Plain and simple.

    • Hi Doctor Mom. I don’t think you realize that you are a pawn in a very dangerous game. While the individual doctor may very well have good motives, that isn’t the real problem here. You can’t hear yourself talk because you are too close to the topic. You are a doctor and so are, of course, insulted by this article. I understand. But you don’t realize that something you said is completely wrong: you said doctors have been ‘charged’ with our children’s well being. THAT is the problem. You are NOT charged with my child’s well being. I am charged with their well being. That is a charge from God himself. Your job is simple: treat their injuries. Period. Is it hard for you? Yes. But you have overstepped your boundaries, severely, the day you think you have been charged with MY daughter’s well being. That is a very, very Progressive idea. They also believe THEY are charged with my child’s well being. You know, the whole, ‘It takes a village’ mentality? How about that quack on MSNBC Melissa Gilbert, saying, “Some parents actually believe their child belongs to them!” statement? Yes, that is what you have come to be a part of. Your training comes from somewhere. And that somewhere is university. Universities have been taken over by Progressives and their ridiculous ideas. Basically, it goes like this: People are too stupid to know what is good for them or their children. Therefore, we educated smart people need to save them from themselves. So you make big solutions for us all. Very godlike. I can see why it appeals to people.

      But I assure you, we aren’t stupid and we know what is best for our kids. While there are some (a tiny percentage) of parents who rape their kids, the vast majority of us really love our kids. So, rather than give up all our rights over our kids so that a stranger doctor MIGHT catch the rapists, I think we will just stick together and allow a society that is self sufficient, based in strong families, love of God and based in a strong sense of patriotism and love of community do its job. I do believe we, in that condition, will have a FAR better chance of detecting the rapist daddy or uncle than the one the Progessives want for us. In fact, we will have a better chance of not producing those rapist daddies to begin with.

    • Crystaline, (I won’t call you ‘goddess’ if you don’t mind), I am so very sorry for your abuse. I, too, suffered abuse (well, physical, not sexual) in my family. However, I would never have wanted my doctor to have taken me from my family. No. Way. Do you think foster homes, where there is zero love, is better? Do you think the government cares more than your own parents? You have to be very careful. Children, for the most part, belong with those who birthed them. Parents will care for you better than anyone else. No one, I mean no one, will love you like your parents. Sure, there exists a tiny, tiny percentage of parents that are actually more dangerous to their children than the faceless, loveless government or the loveless foster care system- those must be dealt with. But they are a tiny minority. Most parents love their kids better than the government ever will. Are those people great parents? no. Are they ideal parents? no. Do the kids come out scarred? yes. Me, I wouldn’t trade my crazy, insane childhood for the government at all. Geeze. I spent only one summer with my very loving aunt and uncle and my cousin sexually molested my sister and me- he was touching our butts and trying to drag us both into the forest all the time. My aunt and uncle, however, were the very sweetest- and yet, I craved my own crazy parents. The loneliness and the feeling of being outcast was so profound- I can’t imagine being carried away forever from them. I can honestly say, having been beaten to an inch of my life in that household, that I would still pick that over the foster care system. Those old relationships have been repaired and forgiven by now and I have a great relationship with my father today. My kids have their grandpa. Things can be repaired, Crystaline! Especially through the healing of CHRIST!!! Have hope, love! The future is yet unwritten! Much love and tenderness for your hurt, Susan

  18. Your daughter is right about her school counselor! However, I think she might have forgotten to tell about a little thing called confidentiality and the reasons why it would be broken. If your daughter told the counselor that you starved her and beat the mess out of her, then NO you wouldn’t be told that for fear of the child’s life. Instead, CPS would be called on you. All the things you stated automatically get told to the parent (you’re being ridiculous). In fact there’s probably a nice poster about confidentiality posted in the counselors office. If you daughter didn’t feel comfortable talking to you and confided in the counselor, do you think she would continue to confide in the counselor if all they did was tell you every little thing? All counselors have to have a Master’s degree. We’re pretty well trained in our field. Also, as part of most school districts, I’m sure there’s a regulation that suggests that students can seek school counseling services. If you don’t like it, don’t enroll your child. Now for groups, that’s different. They counselor should have gotten parental permission. But make sure that group is different than he/she going into the classroom. Technically that would be considered a classroom lesson. Sounds to me like you should understand the role of a school counselor before telling people to beware of us. I take the highest offense, especially since I want my students to be safe and successful. To even suggest that we would keep a parent out of the loop, especially with suicide or murder, is reckless. Clearly, you haven’t heard of duty to warn. And clearly you didn’t know that counselors could lose their license for not doing it. Educate yourself first. http://www.schoolcounselor.org is a good place to start!

    • “All counselors have to have a Master’s degree. We’re pretty well trained in our field. Also, as part of most school districts, I’m sure there’s a regulation that suggests that students can seek school counseling services. If you don’t like it, don’t enroll your child.”

      Oh, really? I don’t really give a hoot, Miss, if you take highest offense. I take highest offense that people like you think that you have any right whatsoever, and I mean, whatsoever, to get between me and my children- EVER. Under any circumstances. Do you get that? So, you can pack away any kind of graciousness you feel you are imparting when you sit there and list all the times you deign to inform us about own our flesh and blood, thank you very much. As you had no right to the information in the first place, where do you get off telling me when you will tell me or not tell me anything? Geeze, what a blow hard you really are. You can’t even hear yourself. So you can take your funny indignation and put it back where it belongs. I never said that you would not inform us if a child said they were going to commit suicide or murder. I said you would not tell us if our child wanted contraception or an abortion. But even your own words above prove that you feel no need to tell us most of what they say- even if they are depressed or hurting. You sit as the judge and determine when the child’s depression is ‘suicidal’, don’t you? You sit and decide when the child’s rage is becoming ‘homicidal’, don’t you? You are the problem, lady. I don’t care how many Masters degrees you have. You are a Progressive intruder into what IS the parent’s natural and God given authority and responsibility sphere. You don’t belong here because you have zero vested interest. You do not have any legal responsibility over these children’s welfare- physical, mental or spiritual. You also have no love for them at all past what you might feel as sort of a vague sentimentality you might develop in the few hours you might spend with them. For those reasons, you are the very last person on this earth who should hold any serious decision making powers over their young lives. You are the very last person who should withhold even one ounce of critical information from the ONLY people in the world who are legally and morally and spiritually 100% responsible for that child. So, I will give you one word of advice- stay out of our lives, little cuckoo bird. Get your own kids. Because these? They belong to US. Geeze.

      • “I take highest offense that people like you think that you have any right whatsoever, and I mean, whatsoever, to get between me and my children- EVER.”
        “Get your own kids. Because these? They belong to US. Geeze.”
        “Me, I wouldn’t trade my crazy, insane childhood for the government at all.”

        That insane childhood fucked you up, lady. You are displaying severely unnerving possessiveness of a person you are responsible for taking care of. My god, you don’t hold this sort of mentality towards pets without being the kind of person that abuses them because the pet is “something they own”. Then the neighbors call the police and you’re down a pet and up a day in jail. The government won’t be taking your kids away, society will. People will not stand to see a person neglected or abused, even if that person is YOUR kid. And let me just spell this out for you so that you don’t have any misunderstanding about where human beings come from on this issue: you don’t have rights TO your kid, you have responsibilities to them that are so innate in a parent – normally – that society has made it illegal to deviate.

        With how insistent you are being that your children not speak to anyone without you, I am willing to bet some ugly stuff would come up. From the other content you’ve made, and your weird little disconnect between you and “the government”, you seem maladjusted and schizophrenic. Lord have mercy on your children, you sure as hell won’t.

        And just because that sort of thing doesn’t work on someone with your condition, let’s try it another way:
        You need to get help. You need to get it for yourself, you need to get it for your kids. They don’t deserve to have to grow up with someone who is mentally unstable for a parent, you don’t seem like you want kids who never speak to you once they are adults. Seriously – Seriously – consider seeking some therapy to explore how to improve this situation because you have no idea of the horror of the mentally diseased maw people are peering down into when they read what you write.

      • Really? Let me guess. You don’t have kids, do you? I didn’t think so. You liberals truly make me laugh. Further, let me guess more. You are a white, middle class mid 20 something who is either in college or barely graduated, right? Right. Basically, you are an Obama fan but couldn’t describe a single bill he ever passed, right? Right. You are a Progessive but don’t really know what the exact description for that is. You have never read the news in your life. You hate Bush but don’t understand a single bill he passed either. You say you are for ‘education’ but couldn’t tell anyone in the world what that exactly means in terms of actual school policies. You say you are ‘for’ immigration but couldn’t describe a single government process that would be changed should ‘immigration reform’ be passed. If I asked you to name the president of Iran, you would give me a blank stare, wouldn’t you? What you hate about me is that I don’t like Obama and stand against homosexuality, right? Oh, and that I’m a Christian. Right? Right. I truly love that all liberals can say is, “Get help, you are crazy!” but never describe the actual thing I said or did that was crazy. Apparently, according to you, to simply wish to keep my children is ‘insane’. To want to keep the government from between me and my child is a diagnosis of some mental illness. And my reflection that I would prefer my own broken family than to have been put into the statistically proven sexually, physically and emotionally abusive foster care system of the U.S. government is something that the Lord above would not forgive. Okaaaayyy… I say, backing up slowly…. Apparently, somewhere in there, my kids got abused by me and the neighbors called the police? Are you hearing voices again? poor dear… anyway, thanks for stopping by. I always enjoy posting liberal rants. They never cease to prove how completely devoid of logic the liberal brain is.

      • Don’t you want your kids to have any privacy or nah? Do you trust your children? If you can’t trust health professionals who do you trust in society?

      • Hi Leo, do I trust my children? Interesting question. I think your question needs some clarity. Do I trust them to drive a car at 12 years old? Do I trust them to hold a gun at 12 years old? Do I trust them to drink hard liquour at 12 years old? Do I trust them to understand the issues they will face getting married at 12 years old? Do I think they understand what it means to have a baby at 12 years old? Do I trust them with opening a 401k at 12 years old? Do I trust them with buying a home at 12 years old? Do I trust them with signing up for the military at 12 years old? Do I trust them with voting at 12 years old? Do I trust them with quitting school at 12 years old (’cause they would, given the chance, ya know)? Do I trust their ability to survive if I left my 12 year old alone in the woods overnight? Do I trust my 12 year old in N.Y. city for a week alone? See? We must qualify that question, don’t we? Do I trust my 12 year old to make ADULT decisions when she is only a CHILD? no. Of course not. That, my dear, is WHY she is called a ‘child’ by law and why the law itself will hold ME, not the government or any agency, legally responsible for every action or inaction taken by my child. It will be me who bears any financial or criminal brunt of their action. That is the LAW. These agencies, doctors, etc, can’t wait to interfere in my life and that of my 12 year old but they absolutely waive any responsibility in the CONSEQUENCES of their interference. Do you think that is right? To me, if they want to interfere, then THEY should have to bear the brunt of the consequences. Ie, if my 12 year old is emotionally scarred for life because they were talked into having a late term abortion by some quack at an abortion clinic, and finds out later that the baby was hacked apart little by little with no pain medication, and ends up in a psych ward, then that pediatrician can pay for the mental institution for the rest of my daughter’s life. How about that? Oh? No? Well, then get the heck out of my life. As long as my child is my responsibility by law, then I will make the decisions for her. Further, no one loves my daughter as I do. No one. The pediatrician has BELIEFS, ideals, political motivations. They may or may not even have children. I have no idea what their motives are for their recommendations. My motive is always the same- LOVE, love, love, love. I would die for my child. She is always first in my life. I would give my life so that she is happy. My happiness is nothing to her happiness. I know that. And I know that no stranger would do that. So whatever decision I make will be completely selfless. It will be for my daughters best happiness, no matter what the situation. I will always trust myself and my husband’s ability to love our child best. Of course I don’t trust any stranger or even worse, some mindless group, to love my daughter more than us. Even you have to agree with that. Therefore, why would I give over my right to have sole decision making power with her? People love to argue that some parents out there ‘just don’t care’. Well, I haven’t met that parent. And if those parents do exist, they are in the 1% of all parents. They are the extreme aberration. Therefore, we don’t make laws on the exception, we make laws on the majority of situations. You must sue to take away the rights of those few aberrations, not make laws to take the rights away from the majority of parents who do love their children more than themselves. What I find most amusing is that the very people who wish to take away parental rights are LIBERALS. Liberals are the very first people to shove evolution down everyone’s throats. If evolution is true, then the idea that parents don’t love their children CAN’T be true or the human race could not exist. We would never have survived. The fact that parents will DIE for their children is evident in almost every species known to man (at least every more complex creature), certainly evident in every human culture. And yet, liberals want to have their cake and eat it too. So, what do you want to give up- your rights over parents or your precious theory of evolution? I will let you pick, ok?

  19. I understand where all of you are coming from. I would like to take a moment and remind you of when you were a teen. Were you ready to ask your parents, aunts, uncles, or guardians your latest sex questions? In this day and age, technology has played a big role in educating teens about sex, puberty, drugs ect. Parents should be happy to let their children talk to educated doctors about these things rather than making them feel like they need to turn to the internet for answers. Just open your eyes, in almost every case, your child is not going to be 100% open about this stuff with you as their parent. Do not discredit this comment because it is coming from a 16 year old. Take it as a point of view of the topic being discussed here. A teenager herself.

    • Hi Isabella, I want to thank you for taking the time to write to me. I would never discount the thoughts of anyone, especially that of a 16 year old. I hear you. I was 16. Sadly, I learned the facts of life through magazines and my friends. Much of what I learned was ghastly and not good for my young mind to know. I would much rather have had my own mother tell me everything and in a loving, fun way. But that wasn’t possible because she hated her own female self. She was brought up to believe terrible things about women and their sexuality. I put the responsibility squarely on the shoulders of the parents. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to your mother about sex, drugs and abortion, then the fault is hers, not yours. You need to grow up and become a better mother than yours was. I don’t mean to bad mouth your mother. Mothers are only people. You will also fail in the mother department, believe me. So be kind to your mother when you judge her. But she has failed in this matter. Be BETTER. Mine failed miserably in this department. I swore to be better and have been. I began speaking to my girls about their body when they were babies. Literally. I gave their body parts their proper names and gave them mirrors so that they could see their parts. I gave them permission to look at them anytime they wanted. I told them about touching their lady parts and explained about the good feelings that they would have and how that was exactly what it should feel like- that God made those parts to feel just that way. I told them, however, that this behavior was a private matter and shouldn’t leave their room. I explained also that no one in the whole world, including doctors, should ever get to touch them in this area without their full permission. I have talked openly with them on these matters in private and within the public areas of our home to ensure that they felt perfectly at ease with their bodies and with speaking about their sexuality. Ditto for drugs and abortion. They understand all about the politics, my personal opinion and the biblical verses surrounding these topics. We discuss them openly and they are allowed to ask anything without any reprisal or anger on my part. I always tell the full truth- especially about my own behaviors in any of these areas. I counsel them about what I believe to be the most moral and good behavior and I explain why I believe it to be the very best option for their own happiness. I think they truly agree with me. Today, at ages 15 and 13, they come to me with all kinds of questions in these areas. Can I tell you that we have all laughed and laughed over these discussions? We have blushed and blushed and had the very best times in my bedroom. It is my dream come true. Isabella, just allow me to counsel you on this- no one, and I mean NO ONE, loves you like your mother. No matter how awkward she may be on these subjects, she will give you the very best advice in the world. Even if she says for you to take the hard road, she is speaking out of love and experience. Doctors, school psychologists, etc, do not love you one bit. They ALL have political agendas. They really do. MONEY influences their counseling. They actually push abortion & contraception. NONE of that is good for you. Now, you don’t know me from Adam. You don’t love and trust me. I get that. And sadly, your mom hasn’t established a lifelong conversation about these matters with you so she has an uphill battle to go with you. But. SHE KNOWS what she is talking about. She has simply lived longer than you. And that matters. Do you know more than your kid brother or sister? Just look at those little kids in school. Do you know more than them? Just think how much longer your mother has lived. She knows more than you by the mere fact of living. And if she has paid any attention at all, then she is light years ahead of you concerning wisdom. Even if she never really spoke openly to you on these matters. TRUST HER. If she never opened the dialog, then you try. Just tell her, ‘Mom, I really need you. I need to talk to you because you are the only one I can trust.” Believe me, those are words that no mother can resist. Then tell her what your problem is. Stay calm and don’t blame. Let her help you. The greatest mistakes of life are made at 16, 17, 18. Ok? God bless you, Isabella. May God put his heavenly angels around you and protect you from all evil. May he put his loving hand upon your forehead and give you wisdom, little one. May you hear my words and seek out your mother, whom God has given to you. I pray that you can sail through this crucial time of your life unharmed so that you can live to see a strong and successful life in God’s service. Many blessings to you, Isabella! ❤

  20. The laws in WA state are tremendously dangerous for our adolescents and families. Many parents realize that their children need mental health counseling, however, WA state terminates, yes TERMINATES, parental rights with regard to their children’s mental wellness and drug and alcohol wellness. What 13 year old is mature or wise enough to understand when they need help? Some counselors say, well, if they don’t want help, they are not going to accept it. Well, guess what. It should be my choice to take my child to a counselor for family counseling. Trust me…at some point, they will talk! Especially when they are being absolutely defiant to their parents…they won’t be able to help NOT saying something when they so disagree with their parents. If I were to see (which I do) that my child is abusing pot, I cannot force my child into drug and alcohol rehab if she is 13 or older. We are forced to turn to turn to the courts…put them on a “Youth at Risk” program which in the end only ends up getting the kid into “their” juvenile court system, and a parent charged daily for their being in detention. As for mental health….I see my daughter spiraling out of control, she has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, refuses to go to counseling, refuses to take her medicine….yet here I sit with my hands tied. Unless she tries to commit suicide or hours someone I can’t get her help. How many parents desperately are trying to help their children, but their hands are tied. How many suicides? How many school shootings. How dare the State of WA endanger my child and take away my parental rights to help my child. This law must be changed. I am currently doing research to learn how to file for an initiative to change this law (I believe it is an Initiative). I know we need 280,000 signatures. If anyone is interested in helping please advise me.

    • So, you are saying that WA State tells you that you may not take your child to counseling? Why did you ask them in the first place? Did your daughter report you for taking her to counseling? How did they know you were taking her? Did the school psychologist get involved in the first place and then prevent you in some fashion? I’m wondering how the State gestapo got into your family business to begin with?

      I totally agree with you that the State government should have ZERO rights concerning your child. They have zero responsibly, financial or emotional, and thus should have no legal rights. It is absurd that an entity that bears no responsibility for a child should have any authority, let alone absolute authority over a child. And yet, the progressive mindset (it takes a village, right?) in WA State would give that authority minus responsibility to the mindless, cold State. My suggestion to you is to move to a State that doesn’t stick its collective Borg fingers into your parental pie. Your daughter’s mental health is too important. You will never change the government in time to save her. Forget even trying. MOVE and move now. Even if you have to stay in a little apartment and work as a waitress.

  21. The other law that must change is that a parent along with a Psychiatrist who believes the child needs to go to a hospital for help. (with bipolar for example I found a wonderful 6 week program at Sacred Heart in Spokane–they would get her stable, teach her about her condition and why medication is so necessary, do group therapy-so the child knows they are not “crazy” or alone). The Dr. cannot make the decision—it is Crisis Response. Are you kidding me? No offense to MSW’s or MA in MHC who staff crisis…I am sure they are wonderful people–but an MD, especially a Psychiatrist does and should have more authority!

    Wa state is one of the worst to raise children.

  22. Um. I’m very sorry to inform you that unfortunately no, most parents do not know what is best for their children. If they did, they would not need to see any sort of healthcare provider at all because they would magically know what to do. The reason that doctors ask you to step out is because they need to ask your child some very sensitive questions about their sexual health (e.g. have they had their period, have they noticed any discharge and has anybody touched them inappropriately etc). It’s absolutely CRUCIAL that they feel they are able to trust the physician and give an honest answer without being afraid of what you will think of them. If you had somehow gotten an STD as a minor and needed treatment would you be able to tell the doctor in front of your parents? I doubt it. If kids can’t be truthful to the people trying to help them out of fear of judgement then they can’t get the help they need. There is not some progressive conspiracy to turn your kids against you….really. I’m a medical student and given how poor we all will be from 300k of student debt we have to start working off in our 30s and how much the broken system is increasingly being changed to exploit doctors there is no way people are going into medicine anymore for personal gain…we do it because we love science and love helping people. That’s the only motivation left these days.

    • “I’m very sorry to inform you that unfortunately no, most parents do not know what is best for their children”

      Adenosine, I couldn’t read past that most absurd of lines. Spoken like a true Progressive! It takes a village, right? Hey, I’ll bet you don’t have kids, right? Or better, you are gay, right, and can’t reproduce, right? You must just steal other people’s babies, right? Listen, I have no stomach to talk to people like you who have zero knowledge of parenthood and what it means to love the child of your womb. gaaag

      • You are ABSOLUTELY PATHETIC!!! I have worked with children ages ranging from 6 weeks to 12 years for 9 years and have two small children of my own. Believe it or not A LOT OF PEOPLE DON’T KNOW HOW TO CARE FOR THEIR CHILDREN! If everyone did their would be no such thing as child protective services or any other for of child safety organization, and kids wouldn’t be in daycare’s for over 10 hours a day while parents are off doing whatever they want. Don’t be on here writing a blog post about your daughter in 5 years about how she moved away and wont talk to you because it is pushy mothers like you that kids tend to go crazy after becoming of legal age!

      • Kristina, calm down. You say you have ‘worked with’ children? As what? A baby sitter? Do you watch people’s kids at a day care facility? Personally, I think we need to get rid of the Child Protective Agency- they are a bunch of socialist Nazis that believe they have the right to snatch kids away from their parents. I disdain most of these organizations. They play God. They take the kids and feel like heroes and then they toss the kid in the garbage can of their bureaucracy and don’t bother about what happens to them from that point on. Foster care is a joke- those kids end up sexually abused and unloved. They end up psychologically damaged and deranged. No thank you. I would rather remain with a crazy mother than be left to a stranger who doesn’t love me. I know. I had a crazy mother. At least she loved me. These organizations are HEARTLESS. Their motive: self glorification. People like you want to rely on the State to take care of problems. The reality is this: no one, and I mean no one, will care for a kid better than their parents. Even if the parent is a crappy parent. Give the kid to a foster parent and the foster parent will still do a worse job that 99% of the crappy drugged out parents who are doing crime out there. At least there is love. And that is what a kid needs most. To belong and to be loved. Either way they will end up scarred and messed up. But they will be loved in one situation and not loved in the other. Only if the kid’s life is in danger should they be removed. I really hate how these orgs take the kids over nothing. Makes me ill. That you support them with such vehemence tells me a lot about you. All the money that gets spent supporting the salaries of these do-gooder heroes should be spent on parenting classes, jobs and counseling for weak parents. NOT taking the kids away from the parents.

        Now, as to my advice concerning pediatricians and counselors. I will stand by it 100%. Parents MUST take responsibility for their own children. The day the STATE takes responsibility is the day the country is OVER. Socialism has never worked in any country that has ever tried it. Socialism has always resulted in dictatorship and a complete lack of freedom for the People. It also results in poverty. It never ‘spreads the wealth’. It only kills the rich and the middle class and succeeds in making everyone poor. Perhaps that makes poor people happy because they are bitter in spirit. But why should I support that? I would think that a poor person would rather see opportunities to enrich themselves then see only desolation everywhere. I support freedom, free will, and self supporting family units. Everyone must pull their own weight. Everyone must take care of their own. Families must come together. When the State refuses to step in, the family is forced to step in. It is always better this way. No one will allow themselves to starve. They will get up and do something about it. In terms of bad parents, if the State won’t act, guess what will happen, Kristina? grandma & grandpa or auntie or uncle will step in. And that, my friend, is exactly what should happen. Family must take care of the child. Not nameless strangers in the foster care system. Do not trust doctors or pediatricians, complete strangers, with any information about your family- they WILL report you and you will be in danger of losing your kids. If you trust them , that is your choice. Go for it.

        p.s. Somehow, I think it is you who will have the run away kid. Just sayin’….

  23. I have to say, for the dr. to lie and say that it is law, was very wrong. Not a dr. I would trust. I personally like to believe that my kids and I have a wonderful respectful relationship. It is my duty as their mother to teach them how to be a productive member of society when they reach that point in their lives. I also want to be that study point in their lives that they can turn to and talk with about anything. With that being said I have always wanted them to have an adult such as a family member, school counselor, family doctor etc. That they can go to as well in the off chance my kids are too afraid to talk to me but I also think that under the age of 18 parents should be informed of any possible dangerous or destructive behavior.

    • Alichia, beware what you allow! How about another adult telling your TWELVE year old that she can go to Planned Parenthood and get an abortion without telling you a single thing! Is that what you want that other adult to tell her when your daughter is too ‘afraid’ to talk to you? Believe me when I tell you that the other adult, in this case, a school counselor or pediatrician, will not live with the scars that your twelve year old and you will live with for the rest of your lives. Especially when Planned Parenthood does not fully describe what a late term abortion is to people. They call it a ‘more complex two day process’. When your twelve year old grows up and sees what was actually done, she will fall apart and YOU will be the one to pick her up. WE need to be their only place. It is, of course, great to have aunts, cousins, grandmothers around as well. But STRANGERS with absolutely no investment in your child? No responsibility or consequences for their actions or words or advice? NO. WAY. Be wise, Alichia. Be wise. There is a HUGE difference between FAMILY and strangers. Ok? Do. Not. Trust. Schools or Pediatricians. They are to be your servants, not your boss. You are the boss. Just remember that and you will be fine.

  24. I have a question. When I was 6, I had undergone a procedure to fix some cavities. As I had severe allergies at the time I had to be put under anesthetic insted of normally being awake, I may have been allergic to the stuff they use to numb your mouth and my parents didn’t want to take any risks. When I woke up from the procedure my mom was not in the room and there had to be 4-6 nurses surrounding me. I was still very dizzy and I couldn’t see more than 10 feet infront of me, one of the nurses shoved a pill at my face and repeditivly told me to take it, as I was very cautious of my allergies I’d NEVER have eat anything my parents didn’t tell me I could, especially medicine, so I told her I have allergies, I need my mom, and I cant see very well. I thougth I had made my reason for refusing the pill obvious, but she became very angry and her and the other nurses proceeded to take off my hospital gown and underwear and pin me down and forced the pill up my bottom, all the time say various insults and comments. Now the question is, was this illigal/molestation or perfectally acceptable because they are nurses and being 6 even if I said no (Which I did very loudly) it means nothing beacuse minors cant consent? And I thought they’d need parental consent which my parents never even got the choice to give. Even if they did, does a childs word mean nothing?

    • Dear K, as a parent, I would be OUTRAGED. Outraged. Did your mother lose her mind when you told her? Or did you not tell her? Poor little girl. No, what they did was absolutely not right. My heart goes out to you. If it makes you feel any better, love, I feel sure that they didn’t intend to sexually abuse you. But I can see by your writing that your dignity and trust has been violated. And that is what it feels like to be raped. You felt powerless and that is what it feels like to be raped. I was raped too. It causes a sense of outrage within you and you end up standing there, arms flapping about, not knowing what to do, who to rage at and.. well, just this useless flailing about. The deed is done and you can’t take it back. Listen, love. You must talk to your mother about this. You can’t just think about it and talk to strangers about it. Those nurses didn’t mean you any harm, but they sure didn’t respect the feelings or rights of another little human being, did they? Here is what I believe about the injuries we sustain in this life: we should not stand around wanting justice or vengeance. That is a useless path and never ends up in a satisfactory way. There IS no justice in this world. You will just beat yourself upon the rock and be torn asunder yet once more. I know what I’m talking about. I’m 50 and have tried that path too many times. The far better path is the path of Christ- to FORGIVE and to let go of those people. Let GO of that event and all the rage of it. That is not the same as forgetting the event. By all means, no. But we must redeem the evil, as Christ redeemed us, who were evil from the beginning. We must take the evil done to us and make it GOOD. God said that he made us in his image. God sent Jesus to make all the WORLD good again. He did that by sacrificing himself on the cross. WE sacrifice ourselves too by letting go of the anger and bitterness- we forgive our enemies- the ones who were so callous- and instead, get busy with the work of redemption. Do you know what that means, K? It means that we take that event and USE it for good. Now that you have passed through it, you can HELP others in a special way that others can not. Others who have not been so victimized can’t help others who will be victimized. As I can comfort you, because I too know the humiliation of being so abused, you can comfort others who will also come into your life. It is so critical to the health of our lives that we do this. This is the key to happiness, K. Turn evil to good. Refuse to let it drag you down and make you evil too. Reject satan and want he wishes for you and your life. He would love nothing more than to make you hate the world, never trust anyone, to never allow you to love anyone, to keep you in shame to forbid you to talk to others about this and to keep you from telling your mother. Tell her and tell others. Set yourself free. Come talk to me anytime, ok? I will always listen. If you like, you can always talk to me privately via email. I can see your email address. I monitor all comments before they are seen. So, if you want, you can tell me you want an offline conversation and I will email you. Cheers, love. Be strong. Open your bible. Go to church. Jesus has ALL the answers in life.

  25. As a child worker, I understand where the Dr. is coming from so far as wanted to interview children alone. However, it is highly unethical to lie about laws and policies. She should be honest with people and tell them it is her policy not a law. If she wants to practice that way she can but she can’t FORCE you out. Even as a child worker if I need to interview a child in solo and I ask a parent can sign a waiver establishing their right to say no to a solo interview. Grant it, this potentially opens them up to investigation, which prompts an expert interview in most cases with the child alone with someone else, but parents still have the right to say no to me. That in fact is a law in all states (I believe but I know in PA, NJ, NY, FL for sure) that we have to ask, albeit some states require it. I assume doctors want to mimic what social workers practice in this instance they just need to be careful. I don’t think their intent is devious and I think it is in your daughters best interest to have private meetings with doctors. If you can’t trust anyone you should trust your doctor. Otherwise, why is it your doctor or your childs doctor? Go somewhere you can trust.

    • My God, you are kidding me. If a parent says, ‘no’ to a solo interview, they get investigated???? That is ABSURD! Remind me to never move to your state. You are very, very wrong about what my daughter’s best interests are, my dear. You have been too long in the ‘system’, I’m afraid. You have seen too much harm. Too many bad people. Too many of a rare population. My husband is a federal probation officer- you can become jaded and cynical in your job. You only see the smallest slice of life. The VAST majority of parents adore and care for their children. No one is perfect but the RIGHT people to care for the children is almost always the parents. The LAW should remain that way. For the extremely rare exception, people like you can move through a specific, arduous lawsuit process whereby you must submit concrete proof of egregious and actual physical harm being done to the child- and I don’t mean a spanking or two. I mean starvation and true neglect and beatings. And even in those situations, all efforts must be made to re-educate the parents and if that won’t work, after jail time, then efforts to return the children should again be made. If that doesn’t work, then relatives should be sought. The foster care system is a JOKE and is more abusive than the lousy parents themselves. I came from a pretty lousy family myself but I can firmly attest that I would rather still have my lousy family than be in a situation where I was the ‘other’ kid that didn’t belong and had to watch the foster parents love their own kids and treat me differently. I would probably have killed myself in that situation. At least I was with my other siblings and we suffered together. And we all got through it and eventually healed as a family. Today, we have a great relationship (at least some of us). When you destroy a family, you leave no hope for the future. You simply separate that kid from ANY HOPE of ever belonging to anyone. That is a terrible, terrible thing to do to someone. You don’t think in terms of decades. You only think in terms of 18 years old. You are short sighted. That is your CRIME. But kids grow into adults and will need their core family. People mature and have the ability to forgive, repair and move on with their lives. Child Care Services utterly fails to understand this concept. So, no, I don’t believe you know what is BEST for my child. IF I believed the doctor had my daughter’s interests at heart, I would trust him/her. But I don’t know them at all. They are STRANGERS to me. So, no. Sorry. I know myself and my husband. We would die for our little girl. You wouldn’t. Our love is more than yours. It is far richer, much deeper, and indeed, more intelligent and informed than your mere concern can ever be. You don’t know my daughter and never will. You will only ever spend snippets of 15 minutes of time with her. How can you ever claim to know what is best for her? tsk, tsk. Sorry, I don’t buy it. Leo, please get out into the world and try not to let your job make you into a cynic. We are a whole planet of loving parents who adore our children beyond our own selves. I don’t know what you, yourself, have experienced, but I will bet you a million dollars that you were injured as a child. Well, so was I. Look to the Bible and God. Forgiveness is the true answer for you. Release your parents and those who hurt you. It will free you instead. Much love to you, Susan

  26. Doctors are there to help and spot the kids who are not in a healthy environment. Every parent is the same to a doctor until they have ruled out abuse or problems that the child may have and the only way to get a good idea about if these thing are present is for the child to trust their doctor. They may want to ask questions about there body or just something they are not comfortable talking to you about. And there should b confidentiality or there would b no reason for the child to trust the doctor in the first place. This ends up leaving kids who are actually in abusive situations and can’t speak because they are to afraid to, to fend for themselves and to keep getting abused. Doctors are the people who actually oversee your child’s health and many things that could lead to b unhealthy like sex or drugs should b brought up during an appointment. And many children won’t bring those things up in front of there parents leading to a gap in medical information which prevents physicians from doing their job. The reason u have no sympathy for abused children is because u were abused ur self and got through it, but some kids aren’t that lucky. A lot of children could b happier and have better futures if someone would have taken the time and stopped to help them. You are obviously oblivious to what actually happens in the world because ALOTTTT of women and children are abused and just because u love your children doesn’t mean other people feel the same way. I guess since maybe you were abused you feel special or something like this doesn’t happen to everybody, but your not special at all and this happens a lot. Just because your parents beat you and then told you they loved you doesn’t mean they did the right thing or that you were in the right environment. That’s obviously why you have such trust issues with people who are supposed to b there to help and only help your children. Idk if you are a stay at home mom or if you were a teen mom or something like that but you are wayyyyy to attached to the idea that you have some kind of right to know EVERYTHING about your daughter. As soon as she starts dating and partying you will be the LAST one to know anything about her. And I’m sure that will b hard for you won’t it? And don’t you like trying to make people look stupid? And don’t you like trying to ask questions to intemidate people? And doesn’t it just make you look more insane each time you do it? Actually YESS it does. You are such a one track minded person, you have heard from like 3 doctors, a counselor, and an actual teenager herself not to mention several mothers and you still think the same thing.. Probably because they are smart and u have no education, and if you do its warped! There’s no problem with that if your right, but in your case it makes you look insane, especially when you have credited doctors telling you you’re wrong and yet you still think that you can know everything in your child’s life and that every parent is better to their child than someone else would b. That’s ridiculous because anyone in their sane mind would of course consider what the child wants, and how to keep the child safe and healthy not so much keep the parent happy by allowing them to keep the “rights” to their child when the beat them, mentally abuse them or sexually abuse them. That’s literally insane.! For you to fight so hard against the government taking children I’d say by pure guess that you have one or more reasons for them to want to take your children. So what’s the reason? You passing on the beatings, or do you yell and drown your sorrows in wine and pills?? Just curious because for some reason you feel like you need to convince EVERYONE who will listen that under no circumstances should the government take children from their parents… Even in abusive situations, so really I just don’t understand how u could have been abused ur whole life and can’t feel sympathy for those who are going through it now. It’s probably because you think tough love (beating) is the right way to help a child learn right and wrong, and that’s why you can’t leave her alone to ask her doctor questions for five minutes is because you MUST know what juicy info she’s admitting to so you can put a stop to it because you can’t trust her alone for five minutes, probably because you think she’d tell on your insane, overbearing, abusive ass! And if you really don’t have reason for them taking your children in the least would you give a shit if they took someone else from their parents. It’s not your damn business and they don’t just take them for NO reason if a child is taken its obviously because the parent can’t provide or because they abuse their children in some way. You are literally the only one arguing ur side, and I can look in through your persective, but the way you are so defensive when someone thinks your wrong just shows how messed up you really are. Most sane people can see the sides to both stories, but you only think one thing is right and that’s for you to know everything about ur child and for the government to stay out of family problems, but that’s just NEVER going to b the reality so with your expectations I hope you like disappointment because that’s all you’re gonna b getting. Honestly I hope your child ends up being a junkie or a whore or both lol, then you’ll know how damaging and dangerous an overbearing overprotecting one track minded mother is.

    • Look. I’m not sure why you think I have no sympathy for abused kids. I do- I am a child advocate and fight for children who are being abused. I don’t happen to agree that the government is the answer to this problem. They don’t have the proper resources or time or most importantly, the heart, to evaluate the situation and then create solutions that the best for the child. Instead, the children are brutally removed and are thrown into a faceless, loveless, sexually & emotionally abusive foster care system. That is NOT a solution for children who are being hurt by abusive parents. I have seen the children who come out of that system and the results are horrible. They are unloved and when they turn 18, have no family at all. They belong to no one. The government does not give one fig what happens to them. The government, you see, doesn’t love anyone- it can’t. It isn’t human. THERE ARE BETTER WAYS. I believe in the better ways. Just because I don’t trust the government doesn’t mean I don’t sympathize Are you an abused child who wants to be taken from your parents? Is this what this is all about, Yoshi? You sound very young.

      I hear your pain but that doesn’t excuse your mouth or your ill will toward my children, Yoshi. However, I will forgive you because I am concerned that there is something more behind your comment. I feel there is some kind of duress you are enduring. Is something happening to you right now that you need to talk about? We can talk, you know, behind the scenes. It need not be public. I do care about kids who are being harmed. Very much. I know exactly how it feels to be hurt by parents. Let me know if you need help, ok?

      • I am an elementary school counselor and I agree with the first sentence of this article. This is crazy. I’m not sure where to start so I’ll just pick two of the most ridiculous things you’ve said:
        “It’s just as hard to tell a counselor or doctor about being raped by your brother as it is to tell a police officer. If that girl’s parents forbid her to tell anyone about the rape, then how does it help her to tell a counselor or pediatrician? The only thing that will accomplish is to forever separate her from her family when that might not be what she wants at that time. But she might not get a choice in the matter because the pediatrician and the counselor will automatically call the police. The brother might go to jail and the parents might lose custody of their girl. She might end up in foster care with people who care even less for her than her own parents! And all for what? So that these two individuals can offer her an abortion? Well, maybe she will want to do it or maybe not. But she will never be reconciled to her family for the rest of her life- certainly no time soon. She will be worse off, mentally, then if she had listened to her parents!”
        So a girl should listen to her parents and shut her mouth about her brother raping her? You suggest that she could go to the police but then say that if she had gone to her doctor or school counselor that they would call the police and that would be a bad thing. It’s very likely that she could go into foster care and at least not be raped anymore. At the bottom of this page you say that you have an ongoing rape case.. I am very sorry that that happened to you – would you like to be forced to live with your rapist and tell no one? She could find a family that loves her like my foster (now adopted) sister has. And my sister does still have a relationship with her mother – foster care doesn’t necessarily mean that they will be estranged from their family.
        “So that they individuals can offer her an abortion” – um I think you’re mistaken, school counselors don’t provide abortions so they would not offer anybody one.
        Also you said that you stand by believing that they don’t have parents best interests in mind. Well that’s another one we agree on – school counselors have the students best interests in mind.

      • First, I doubt you are a licensed psychologist with a doctorate degree. That is one of the reasons I would never allow my kids to go to the school counselor- you never know the quality of the individuals with whom they are speaking. They could be complete quacks. IF I wanted to take my child to a therapist, I would seek a proper one I could trust. One that I trusted really did have my child and my family’s interest at heart- and NOT some liberal agenda’s interest at heart, thank you very much.

        Second, I specifically said that calling the police WAS an option- but one that should remain the prerogative of the girl and her parents- most especially the girl’s. The last person who should be making this decision FOR her is a disinterested school counselor who doesn’t give a fig for the whole situation. This may not the solution she wants.

        Third, my rape case has nothing to do with this. And I would think that because I was raped, I would know more about the situation than you, Smarty Pants. I certainly know that I am glad that no one decided to report the rape for me. I am glad I didn’t report the rape back in 1986. It would have hurt me more than help me. People like you would have run straight to the police, wouldn’t you have? And you would have probably driven me to suicide because of it. You are just such a loser who thinks you can make decisions for other people because YOU know better. Listen, why don’t you wait until you are raped and then see how you feel about it, ok? But as someone who HAS been raped, I can tell you this: it is a very, very sensitive situation and the girl does NOT always want to report it. Sometimes the LAST thing she wants is to go to a trial and convict someone over it. While that might not satisfy YOUR need to see someone pay for the crime, it might satisfy HER need to curl up in a little ball somewhere and heal in her time and in her way. I know that when I was raped, vengeance and ‘justice’ were not on my mind. Feelings of being invaded and feelings of powerlessness were. Dealing with these feelings were paramount. I could NOT have handled anything concerning my rapist- nor could I have handled seeing him- in court or in any other capacity. And I was a grown WOMAN, not a girl.

        Now. It is possible that a family might decide to remove the girl and have her grow up with her grandmother or another location and have her seek professional help there. It is also possible that they decide to handle the boy another way also. Either through church or perhaps by deciding to wait to call the police until the girl recovers enough to deal with a trial. But the FAMILY should decide how to handle the situation.

        Your whole assumption is that YOU, the outsider, know better than anyone else. The FAMILY is rotten and the parents are rotten.

        The Foster Care system is RIFE with sexual abuse, emotional abuse and physical abuse. AND YOU KNOW IT. You can’t be any kind of professional to say such lies concerning that system. The stats are everywhere online. That program is a FAILURE. Just taking a raped girl out of the only family she has ever known after such a terrible experiment is to truly abuse her. Sorry.

  27. This article is awesome! And Justwowww is just a troll. No further explanation needed because your article is very clear. Why did you even reply to justwoww? Lol. You need not explain to someone who clearly is biased and very subjective in their little rant. Your clarity pisses them off.with all your good points. Good for you!

  28. Honestly, I was quite disappointed with this article. I was hoping to see if someone had a legitimate reason for not seeing a school counselor, but all I read was someone with quite a biased opinion. I’m a teenager in my final year of school and I’ve been seeing a school counselor privately for some time. You want to know why? Because I can’t trust my parents. Not one bit.
    Sure, I love them and all as a child does for their parents, but there are some things that I would not dare say in front of them because I know how’ll they react. I’ve told them numerous times about my issues, whether it be about my emotions, my physicality, my friends or my school life, but they play it off and my father even considers me being emotionally vulnerable and unstable as a sign of weakness and considers me a disappointment when I say stuff like that. He’s Asian by the way, so I always have the sneaking suspicion that academic achievements are more important than my wellbeing, which is backed by quite a substantial amount of evidence. Furthermore, they always give me stupid advice like, “Don’t hang out with any people if they hurt you,” or, “You got to school to study, not make friends or have a social life.”
    It’s funny how they think I actually have a social life when I can’t trust anyone in my year level and I only have a small group of “friends”. I suck at interacting with people, and I am considered to be a loner, both by others and myself.
    I’ve also had to deal with issues such as my insecurities about my body, my insecurities about my opinions and views, depression, violent tempers, stress, and also a lot of moments where people would disregard me, cruelly mock me for being a “superior” being or saying degrading comments to my face in class.
    So, I decided talking to a counselor, and they keep their word on my conversations with her being confidential, since I don’t want anyone to know about them. And she’s helped me quite a bit.

    It just pisses me off that you blatantly assume that all counselors out there are a bunch of nut jobs hellbent on converting children to some cult against parents or trying to physically or emotionally harm them. They go to these people because they’re already physically and emotionally harmed. I sure as hell didn’t go to a counselor because it was fun. No, I did it because people, including my parents, didn’t understand the situations and problems that I was facing, and even worsening these problems. And also, you are an incredibly paranoid person. Who goes around thinking that every person with a professional position is secretly some pedophile/molester/rapist? That means that almost every person is untrustworthy. And that even includes people you know, because there are quite a lot of people in my life who I know for certain are not good people, doing drugs, blackmailing or exploiting people, etc.

    And also, isn’t it illegal to keep parents uninformed on matters that are incredibly serious, such as drugs, suicide, under-age sex, abortions and disorders?

    Honestly, this article just made me more angry and I feel that you are doing more harm, especially to vulnerable children or teens, by saying that pediatricians and school counselors are not to be trusted.

    • Hello Lambdo45, listen, I’m very sorry that you are hurting, I truly am. But that doesn’t change my opinion about school counselors and pediatricians. I never said they are all sexual predators- I think you might need to re-read my article. In addition, I never said that all professionals are somehow ‘immoral’ while all non-professionals are somehow more moral as you seem to imply in your example about your family members (druggies, black mailers, etc.) These are knee jerk reactions you created on your own but are non existent in my article. What I said is that I do not trust them as far as I can throw them. They don’t have the parent’s interest at heart- and I will stand by that 100%. You are a prime example of that. Your parents have a right to know that you are seeing a school psychologist. After you are 18, then that right disappears. But as long as you are a child and are a dependent under their care, they deserve to know. It’s that simple. While you don’t like that and while you may not agree, it is what I and most parents believe. When you have your own children, you will believe it too. What if you had a 12 year old kid and found out 5 years later that a school psychologist sent your kid to have an abortion without your knowledge or consent? What if you only found out because your 12 year old hung herself, leaving only a note about the abortion, saying she felt sorry and guilty about it? How would you feel then? And, no, depending on what state you are in, the law doesn’t always say that the psychologist or Plannned Parenthood needs to tell the parent anything. I’ll bet that you would be incredibly angry if that were your 12 year old. Especially since that school counselor didn’t feel it was his or her responsibility to continue checking up with that 12 year old over the years to see if she was handling that abortion ok over time. ONLY parents love a kid that much. No one else in the world cares that much.

      You are a very young adult if you are 18. I am 50 years old. I am extremely intelligent. I will give you the benefit of the doubt and say that you are at least as intelligent as me, ok? So, we are equal there. However, you lack knowledge and experience. You are not my equal in those ways. You simply haven’t lived enough years to accumulate those things. Ditto for between your parents and you. They know more than you. When they give you advice, they are speaking from far greater experience than you. You just don’t like what they have to say. What MOTIVE do you think they have when they give you the advice they give you? Do you think they ENJOY making you miserable? Do you think they ENJOY lecturing you? Do you think they have nothing better to do with their lives? Do you think they hate you? Do you think they get up in the morning and think, “Gee, I think I will eat breakfast and then I will make a grand effort to screw with my kid’s life?” No! They LOVE you more than they love their own life! I have no doubt that they would allow themselves to die rather than see you be injured in any way. I know they would. You know it too. I have seen no other blame from you than they don’t seem to ‘understand’ your pain. If your father is Asian (p.s. I am also half Asian- my mother is off the boat Korean) then he has done everything in his power to educate you. He has spent all his money to ensure that you have had the best of everything, including music training, right? You probably have straight A’s and are in the position of getting into one of the finest colleges in the nation. Am I right? And for this, you disrespect them??? You betray their trust by going to a stranger with your emotions instead of them? You should be ashamed of yourself, young person.

      If your father is Asian, I know how tough it can be. My mother was not very supportive either. But most Asian parents are still incredibly loving parents. As the ONLY thing you can say against your father is that he tells you to avoid painful people and to study hard, I can only think you are to blame in this relationship. His advice is very sound. It is YOUR job to tell him that you need MORE from him. Let me tell you something, Lambdo45, if you can’t ask for what you need in this life, you will never get it- from ANYONE. Going to someone else and complaining about not getting what you need is the beginning of a very bad habit that will NEVER GO AWAY for you.

      Stop going to this counselor and start your life out RIGHT. Start standing up for what you need. Go to your parents and tell them what is bothering you. AND LISTEN to the advice they are giving you too. Stop thinking you are smarter and better than them. They are CORRECT in telling you to stop thinking about social life and friends. FORGET those stupid kids. You will be leaving them all behind in the dust within months. College will be 100% different than high school- I PROMISE YOU. Been there, done that. No one cares about silly crap anymore- once you are in a high level college, the ONLY thing anyone cares about is GRADES- everyone, and I mean everyone, will be a grade geek like you- and they will be competing for the grades along with you. It will be cut throat. You will find like minded minds there. You will fit right in. ALSO, there are a billion Asians in these high level colleges. Again, you will fit right in. So, forget these high school morons. But you will NEVER GET THERE if you keep obsessing on these dumb kids- so your parents are right about staying focused on your grades. Their advice to you is SOLID- forget the morons and focus on your grades. Your life is about to explode and you are there, fretting about NOTHING.

      You are disrespecting your parents who love you by going behind their backs with this counselor. I know you have legitimate pain. But here’s the deal: BUCK UP AND HANDLE IT LIKE A MAN OR LIKE A WOMAN. Yes, there I said it. See, now your counselor would just gasp that I said that. They don’t like advice like that, do they? No, because that would mean you would never come back and they would lose their jobs. Don’t you see that repeat business is how they make a living? Curing people goes against their self interest, doesn’t it? Yes, yes it does. You need to be STRONG in life to survive. We ALL HAVE ISSUES with our bodies, with our looks, with our beings, with how we fit in with the opposite sex, with the people around us, etc. And the so-called ‘popular kids’? THEY ARE MORE INSECURE THAN YOU!!! That is exactly why they need to put everyone down. They NEED to feel better than everyone else all the time because they HATE themselves that much. That is why they need to keep putting everyone down. They need confirmation on a daily basis that they are great. Who knows what their parents do to them at home? You, you have LOVING parents at home that tell you that you are WORTHY of being loved. That is why you don’t need to put others down. They probably don’t have ANYONE at home hugging them. Have you ever thought of that??

      Listen, you need to come clean with your parents about this counseling. Your parents are your BEST FRIENDS in this life- not strangers who get PAID to listen to you. Those people truly don’t give one damn about you. They don’t. Remember, they get a paycheck to look at you with such sympathy. I am not cynical or paranoid. I am a realist. I simply say what exists. If that counselor truly cared about you and wasn’t getting paid for his/her work, he/she would call your parents and let them know you were there. He/she would try to bring you and your parents closer in your ability to communicate. The ultimate goal would be to get your family CLOSER TOGETHER, not farther apart. If I were the counselor, I would ask your parents to listen to you better. I would tell them that you were interpreting their advice as them not caring about your pain and would advise them to tell you that they DO care very much about your pain. I would have them explain their advice better and tell you why their advice was given and how it actually was supposed to help you in your pain. I would have you tell them about all your feelings and tell them why you felt you couldn’t talk to them. Yadda, yadda, yadda. My ultimate goal would be to negate myself entirely. NO ONE should come between you and your parents. No one.

      Lambdo. There is no such thing as the perfect situation. But you sound like you have EXCELLENT parents. You must pick up your bootstraps and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Do I just sound like your harsh, unfeeling parents? So be it. You will ALWAYS find a counselor whom you can PAY to feel sorry for you. I can ASSURE you of that. But those who are FREE and who care will tell you the TRUTH. You ARE being weak right now. You are blaming your parents for your own weakness and faults. BE STRONG- stronger than you are. Clinch your teeth and finish out the year. Great things are coming for you. You will see. You will LOVE college. The right man or woman is waiting for you. LOVE is not based on looks or body. It is based on self confidence and talent. Especially if you are a man. Lastly, accept Jesus into your heart- it is only with HIM that true confidence can be found. For we are NOT merely flesh and bone- we are SPIRITUAL creatures meant to live for trillions of years with Christ. I will pray for you when I am done, Susan

      • It’s the kids interest that matters most, not the parents. As a good parent you should know to put your child first, not yourself. I think you are being extremely selfish. 13 is not that young you know. Disappointing…

      • I’m not sure why you think I am interested in myself over the children, Cameron. It is exactly their benefit I have in mind. No 12 or 13 year old should go alone to an abortion or should go to a counselor without the help and support of their mother and father. Sorry. They need their family more than ever. If you don’t have that kind of relationship with your child, I don’t know what to say. or…. perhaps you are the child? Are you the 13 year old? If you are, then you, my love, need your mother and father much more than you know. No pediatrician or counselor loves you, hon. You are nothing more than a job to them. Once they send you to the doctor to perform an abortion, they will forget your face and your name. It’s just a paycheck to them. Only your parents will love you and care for you forever. They will be there for you when you hurt for this 20 years later. Believe me, serious things like pregnancy, abortion, drugs, bullying, etc, don’t go away in a moment. They take many, many years to deal with- if not your whole life. You need a real support system to help you- you need your family. Even if it’s broken. Even if it’s imperfect. No matter how broken, how imperfect, it will always be better than someone who is PAID to love you. Believe me.

  29. As a school counselor who has lost many nights of sleep, cried often over the stories I hear day in and day out, and have lost students to suicide because of their home life… I firmly hold the belief that you are highly mistaken for such an educated soul. Just like any professional, one can easily abuse their rights or take advantage of their power. Is that every school counselor? Absolutely not. I can’t count on both hands the times I have held meetings or talked to parents who have had years worth of an estranged relationship with their child only to help them with the resources or solutions necessary to where they were able to overcome their issues and become a family unit again. Do I dread and get a sick to my stomach when I have to hotline a patent? Every time. I also believe the system is corrupted. I have helped students get food even with my own money because I know their parents don’t have a lot and I want to support those parents. Have I kept secrets if a student is not a harm to themselves, others, or not being harmed? Yes, because if I had told, I believe the student when they said they could get beaten or kicked out because their homosexual. Please tell me how that’s not in your child’s best interest? Have I told a parent if their child wants to be in my group or get an abortion? Absolutely, which is why I believe you’re over-generalizing. Do you honestly believe that school counselors get into the profession for the money or to go against parents? I am sorry but if you think just because you’re a parent (and I am one) means you automatically have the best interest of your child, you are also very mistaken. The parents I deal with that beat their children , don’t feed their children, don’t bathe their children, and tell them how worthless they are and a mistske… Those are the kids I see. Those are the ones school counselors cry about and loose sleep over. This is why we go into the profession that we do.

    • Hi Beth and thank you for responding. I’m not saying that every counselor is corrupt. I am saying that no school counselor has the LEGAL right to keep information from me. You are missing the point of this article. It is one thing for a human being to make a good judgement call. It is another for the government to mandate that I have no rights as a parent. Can’t you see the difference? If you were only a regular teacher and withheld information from a parent whom you knew to be horribly abusive in order to help a student, then I would say you probably made a difficult but good call. But is that State mandated? no. It was a personal call on your side. I don’t have any problem with that.

      Your argument swerves from a legal one to a personal one. I highly suggest you try to understand what my actual argument and heartache is. I love the idea that teachers will give their time and energy to listening to and helping students, but I am 100% opposed to these new laws that prevent me, the parent, from gaining access to critical information from school counselors and pediatricians. Especially when this information is gleaned in such surreptitious ways. For example, the school counselor called on an assembly with all students and told them how they could come to her with all their problems. She told them clearly and repetitively that she would never call their parents or tell them anything about what they talked about unless the kid wanted them to. She then told them the subjects she wanted them to bring to her: drug problems, venereal disease, contraception, abortion, pregnancy and depression. The very worst part of this school assembly: parents weren’t even notified that such an assembly would take place or what the content of it would be. We were never told that it had taken place. Had my girls not mentioned it in passing, I would never have known. Ditto for the pediatrician- she kept asking me to leave the office when my girls turned 11. I said, ‘no’ because my girls like me to be there. Finally, I got irritated and asked why she kept asking me to leave. I found out that she wanted to ask questions privately. I asked her to see what questions she wanted to ask. She could hardly deny me this direct request, but was deeply uncomfortable telling me. Once again, her questions were about drugs, sex, depression, abortion (notably, that she could get one for free- without me), contraception (again, that she could come and get a prescription for free- without me) and guarantees that she would never tell me about her visits. To add insult to injury, she was going to ask if my husband & I ‘ever argued’ or ‘raised our voices’ in the house and ‘whether Mom or Dad owned a gun’. Also, if my daughter ‘felt safe’ at home. Such generalized questions! Such sneaky ways to glean information from a young child- and they never wanted to tell me, the parent, that they were about to glean it! Why are they hiding their intent if their intent is beneficial to the parent? Answer: because they KNOW they are acting against the parent’s authority and rights. They KNOW it will anger parents.

      So, my problem isn’t that counselors are kind or not kind. I’m sure you are a very kind person. My problem is the progressive push to infringe on parental authority. Our authority is 100%. That has to be understood by all. Once that is fully understood, we can then work on good solutions to the problems you presented. There ARE solutions and they involve people like you. But these new laws that allow pediatricians and counselors to withhold critical information from ALL parents and to even call the police on the parents when the professional doesn’t know the full situation is wrong. It creates a legal situation that is harmful and destructive to the entire family unit and places a huge emotional barrier between the family and the child who is in trouble. Since the child is already at risk, how does separating them from their families help them? I lived in an abusive hom- I PROMISE you that I would rather have lived with all the abuse I had than be pulled out of my house and placed with strangers who didn’t love me at all. I have since repaired my relationship with my father and have enjoyed my entire adult lifetime with him. He is my children’s beloved grandfather. IF I had been taken away by a well meaning individual like you, I wouldn’t have him today. My children wouldn’t have a grandfather. No. I would rather have been beat up and called the infinite number of things I was called than not have my Dad. You can’t measure the value of family, Beth. You can’t. So, before you ‘hotline’ a kid, I sure do hope you know what you are doing. They aren’t just losing them until they are 18, you are preventing all healing of that family FOREVER. Families heal, Beth, when the kids grow up. Forgiveness is there- it really happens. But when the State moves in and takes the child from the parents, they steal an entire LIFE away from that kid. Unless that kid is about to be murdered, I would leave him/her where they are. Help them all you can. But do it in a way that won’t rob them forever. Basically, Beth, you have to understand that YOU, who represents the State, really aren’t the right person to help the child. His/her family and neighbors need to step up. Want to spend all those tax dollars? Then spend it encouraging family members of that child to ante up and get involved with the kid, with the parents. No stranger can really help. If the state really wants to help, then take the real time to get involved with the broader family, neighbors, church and family. Aid in bringing them together without irreversible, punitive actions. If the child should be removed, only remove them to people closely related to the family and return the child as soon as feasible to the parents.

      Our system only focuses on the removal. Not the hard part. The foster care system is organized child abuse. Far worse than any parent could possibly deliver. If that remains the only other option, just leave kids where they are. If you love them, that is.

      My solution looks like this: teachers at school should help in the following way: really take the time to get to know their students. Make sure to tell kids that they will stay after school to listen to any problems they might have. IF they spot a kid who might have bruises or who looks really upset, make a point of befriending them, of helping them out with friends. Communicate strongly with the parents to determine if there is something wrong at home (you can tell loads by talking to people). Work with the parent as much as is helpful. Back off if the parent asks you too. That’s it. Teachers can only do so much. I don’t believe schools should even have school counselors. If the child requires psychological help, the parents can take them to get it. Getting psychological help is the parent’s decision, not the child’s decision. Before you jump and start listing all these crazy, violent things that might make it necessary to have a school counselor, I just want to say that those things aren’t happening to 99% of the school children. We don’t need to hire a counselor and change parental authority over 1% of kids. we don’t make laws that way. We make laws based on the majority situation. As to kids just having kid angst, well, welcome to the world. That is just what it is to be a kid. Growing up is hard. Kids talk to their siblings and to other kids. Most kids can also talk to their parents. Like I said, there is that very small percentage who have absolutely no one to talk to. Having a counselor doesn’t mean they will talk to one.

      I want you to know that I am sure there are many wonderful people filling this role today. Just because I hate and disapprove of the role doesn’t mean I hate and disapprove of those who fill it. You sound very lovely. Any child would be lucky to talk to you, I’m sure. If I wanted to take my child to a psychologist, you are the kind of person I would seek. I just don’t think counselors should be at school as long as their services are kept secret from the parents. Remove the secrecy and I would be more supportive.

      Doctors shouldn’t be involved in the child’s homelife at all. They are responsible for the child’s physical health. Period. They aren’t even part of the equation.

  30. Since you seem to have all of the solutions to the worlds problems…
    To whom shall children turn to when they’re are being beaten and raped by their fathers and mothers?
    To whom shall children turn to when they saw their mom get shot by their dad?
    To whom shall children turn to when the baby growing inside them is their brothers and her parents tell her if she tells anyone they’ll give her a black eye
    To whom shall children turn to if they have no close family nearby and the parents are doped up 24/7 and drive them to school and back?
    To whom shall children turn to if their parents tell them day in and day out that they are a mistake, worthless, fat? – A friend? Not good enough…. They too deserve their innocence and not to be burdened.
    To whom do children turn to when they have never set foot inside a church because their parents are atheist and their parents also leave their children without food, electricity, or water for days? – You think they can call their family if there is no utilities to do so?
    Wake up- the world is corrupt and that includes parents!!! These children sometimes have absolutely no one else to tell because no one else is around to save them. School is the one place children spend more time in than at home. They should deserve to feel safe, loved, and protected there.
    I fear for your children and the lack of education they will receive about society because your mind is so closed to what life can really be like for the underprivileged. I beg of you to spend a weekend with homeless families or families that use drugs to see what life those children have and how little support they have outside of the school.

    • Anyone who says, “I fear for your children and the lack of education they will receive about society because your mind is so closed…” has no right to expect any kind of respect from me- or really, from anyone. Because you are insulted by my article, you claim I am a dangerous parent whom you ‘fear’? What I love about liberals is that they just can’t ever come up with a real argument. It’s never logic based. It’s always about an attack upon the person delivering an opinion that offends them. Did I attack you, personally? No. I didn’t. I don’t trust school counselors or pediatricians. What I said is true in this article. Why don’t you include that in your comment? Counselors and doctors will give information to our children without our consent or knowledge. Furthermore, they will keep things from us that we have every right to know about our children. Of course, both counselors and doctors feel superior to parents and don’t feel that parents have the right to know when their kids are having sex, getting birth control, have STDs, get abortions, have drug problems, are depressed or suicidal. No. They think these things aren’t our right to know. Well, sorry, Cupcake, I do have that right. Know why? Because I am left holding the bag when all this falls down upon my child. The doctor and counselor, on the other hand- you know, the one who kept us in the dark about all this?- well, they have zero accountability when the poop hits the fan. If our sons and daughters kill themselves one day, well, the doctor and counselor will quickly check over their work policies to make sure we can’t sue them or put them in jail. As long as they crossed all the T’s and dotted all their ‘i’s, they are A-ok. But we parents will grieve forever. As long as we are legally responsible for every action that our children make, we have EVERY right to know everything that is happening in their life. No professional should withhold any information from us. You don’t know more or better than us and you certainly don’t love our children more than we do. In fact, you don’t love them at all. They are a job to you.

      Lastly, when I hear the kinds of speeches you just gave, I want to say this: “Give me a break.” They can go to the police if crimes like rape and shootings are happening in their lives. They don’t need pediatricians or school counselors for that- indeed, in the case of shootings, those people would be too late to be of help. It’s just as hard to tell a counselor or doctor about being raped by your brother as it is to tell a police officer. If that girl’s parents forbid her to tell anyone about the rape, then how does it help her to tell a counselor or pediatrician? The only thing that will accomplish is to forever separate her from her family when that might not be what she wants at that time. But she might not get a choice in the matter because the pediatrician and the counselor will automatically call the police. The brother might go to jail and the parents might lose custody of their girl. She might end up in foster care with people who care even less for her than her own parents! And all for what? So that these two individuals can offer her an abortion? Well, maybe she will want to do it or maybe not. But she will never be reconciled to her family for the rest of her life- certainly no time soon. She will be worse off, mentally, then if she had listened to her parents! Especially if she still chooses to have the baby! Then, what gain was there to talking to the counselor or pediatrician? Furthermore, concerning incest related pregnancies, we are talking less than 1% of school children- certainly nothing to make all adults give up their rights on their children! And as to parents not being very supportive because their child is too ‘fat’- GIVE ME A BREAK! Are we to legislate that all children of insensitive parents be removed and placed in foster care? Why would kids need doped up parents to drive them everyday? They either walk or have buses. I’m not sure what you mean about kids of atheists.. again, not worth all parents losing their rights for. As to kids who are left without food, water, etc, how do you think kids did it in the Old Days? If it got too bad, they told their teachers who called the police. No counselors necessary. Again, no secrets kept from parents. No need to makes laws that say ALL parents should be kept in the dark because a TINY percentage of students are victims of brotherly rape, literal starvation, or victims of shootings!

      Bottom line, even with all the hysterics you listed, the fact remains: we don’t make sweeping laws to cover less than 1% of the situations. We make laws and procedures to deal with the majority situation. The majority situation is that most parents love their kids enough to raise them without too much damage. Better than the State could raise them, anyway. Therefore, parents retain the right to raise them. They need full authority to do this. No one, I mean, no one, should interfere with this authority unless a crime has been committed by the parents. Short of that, leave the family alone. If busy body doctors and teachers want to help a family, I say that we should calculate the salary of a school counselor and put it into a charity fund. This fund can be dispersed on an as needed basis in case a teacher does find a hunger kid. The teacher can take some money and buy a gift card to a grocery store for that family. The teachers can love their students and make their time available to them- let them know they are around after school if they want to talk. Make sure the kids know they won’t call the police or do anything rash with what they tell them. CALL the parents and let them know if the kid is depressed, having trouble with a friend at school, is contemplating sex, birth control, abortion, etc so that the parent can help their kid. Let the teacher decide what the best course of action is based on each situation. This is how it used to be. The teacher actually got to know their students. then, they would decide the best course of action. I detest that progressives want to institutionalize what should be an intuitive process. It’s all about control for progressives. They want to take control from the Parent and give it to the State. It’s all about creating Brain Washed Adults of tomorrow.

      You are taking the extreme of the extreme situations and attempting to 1) justify this secrecy from parents 2) justify the need for a salary (if you are a school counselor). While my heart feels sorry for this tiny minority of students, it certainly doesn’t set the basis for ALL parents to lose their God given rights to know exactly what is happening in their kids’ lives. That knowledge is ESSENTIAL to good and effective parenting. No corporation can succeed without information. No team can survive without proper communication. Anyone who attempts to say that a parent can effectively raise a child without knowing,intimately, what their child is feeling, experiencing and/or doing is just a bald faced liar.

      I agree that there are terrible parents out there. But even as a kid, I knew how to call the police. If my dad shot my mom, I would have called the police. If my brother raped me, I would tell my parents. IF they told me I couldn’t tell anyone, I probably wouldn’t tell anyone. b

      • Hi, thanks so much for this article. I had a bad experience 2 years ago with my then 11 year old son, the Dr was asking what I felt to be, inappropriate questions for a boy his age. When I finally had enough and told her we wouldnt be entertaining any further questions about sex, drugs or drinking, she was irritated. I should clarify that it wasnt our Pediatrician who we have seen regularly for 13 years now, but the resident who comes in before her and drills us with 20 questions. When I made the kids upcoming appointment, I asked the nurse to put a note in each childs file that I wont allow that kind of questioning any longer, I got a full 2 minute rant from that nurse as to why the doctors should be allowed to ask. I let her finish and didnt interrupt, I said nothing when she finished, just left her in uncomfortable silence until she finally admitted “But if you would like me to add that note to the files, I certainly can”. I politely asked her for her name so that I could file a complaint, then I told her it was more than WELL within my rights as a parent to request to not have this line of questioning with my children. More parents can and should be advocating for their children with doctors and teachers, drawing a line at whats acceptable and whats not, so their children can learn from that example to one day stand up and advocate for themselves. I found this article after looking up the subject of denying doctors questioning about topics parents dont see fit for their children to be asked. I appreciate seeing other strong parents feel the same way and Im sorry you had some unkind comments posted to it, I was glad to read your story. It comes down to parents being involved enough to know….to want to know, the questions and subjects being discussed with their children by any adult. Who else will they learn from when to say no and what to say no to, if their parents just let any “trusted adult” ask personal, prodding questions. They need to know that if they feel uncomfortable and confused by the questions or why theyre being asked, they can simply decline to answer. As parents we need to teach our kids to trust when their instincts tell them to be uncomfortable, we cant encourage them to ignore that “red flag”. Its much more important that they learn to trust their instincts than it is to trust their doctors line of questioning or motives behind it. You did a great job standing up for your family.

      • I’m glad this article helped you. No worries about the unkind comments. Most come from amateur practitioners or wanna be practitioners. True professionals wouldn’t leave these types of messages. These are low class school counselors & such. Or, they are lost teens or early twenty-somethings that are angry at me for my political opinions on homosexuality, marijuana or other topics. The fact is this: most parents don’t even realize that they have a right to say, ‘NO.’ to these doctors and school counselors. Schools are going behind our backs and having sessions without our permission. They are now painting parents out as the bad guys, “We won’t tell your parents….” REALLY? Meanwhile, how many teachers, coaches, priests, pastors, etc have been arrested for child molestation??? Excuse me? I don’t think so. The fact is this: by in large, the vast, vast majority of parents love their kids more than their own life. They would die for them. They might not be the best parents in the world, but they will care for those kids better than mere strangers would. Foster care is the worst thing that can happen to children. Short of abuse that can lead to immediate death, children should be left with their parents. That is what I truly believe. Meanwhile, these know-it-alls will go in and take kids from loving parents over nothing at all and throw them into the foster care system where the kids get raped, beat and starved to death.

        I can’t stand their sneakiness. I won’t have the 99% of us great parents treated like criminals because 1% are bad. That is wrong. It feels more like the Progressive government wanting to establish its right to stick its intrusive fingers into our private lives to me. I say, ‘NO’ to them. 100%

  31. Hi . Actually i have a question with regarding where you sourced your legal information. I recently signed consent for my 14 year old daughter to be seen for a very strait forward sports physical, i also consented for her grandfather to take her for that sole purpose. My daughter left with a depo injection, pregnancy testing and plan B.

    Through investigation i learned that her sport physical was actually converted to a comprehensive physical exam. she was told to repeat her hearing exam in 3 months, which was how she planned to get my daughter to return, with the plan of injecting the Nexplanon devise.

    l . . .like you i believe that it is my god given right to be included on all things related to my daughter, and while these laws in place are there for children that are as i learned “unsupported minors” and actually need medical attention due to the absente parents and are indeed left to fend for themselves. My daughter is not one of those children and it was a mistake for the physician to think that i am asleep at the wheel.

    Sadly the worse part of this all is that i am a RN and my husband is a family physician and we all worked together at a time in the same clinic. this is where the i was blindly trusting that she would have my daughters best interesting mind.Sadly this physician was foolish to think that she could undermine are relationship in 1 office visit, my daughter exposed the details of her visit; she blatantly told my daughter to tell me that she needed her hearing retested in 3 months. My daughter then told me “mom my hearing is perfect”.

    Not only do i feel violated and neutered as a parent, i feel like the agenda of the American Pediatric Association is scary, they create these (not all) physicians that are strictly out to push there agenda and they lack the ability to decipher with logical insight what the law is actually designed to protect.

    Please i kindly request any insight that you may have gained in your own investigation. . .

    While my intent is to communicate with you, and i do not wish to have my comments posted, i will consent if it will be helpful to others who are in my position as a parent.

    strangely enough for years my husband has told me that he does not trust pediatricians .

    any informations or direction is greatly appreciated.

    thank you for your post, M.

    • Hi Anonymous, I just deleted your email and name. I do think your comment and my reply is helpful to other readers. Yes, I believe that all pediatricians are now being trained to run their offices in this manner. Either the doctor or their nurse or assistant makes it part of their office procedure to ask our early teens a number of extremely private questions. In addition, once they ask the parent to leave the room (which they no longer even bother to request, they now just tell you to leave), they give the child all kinds of information which they insure the child they will never disclose to their mother or father. This information includes birth control, STDs, drugs, depression, suicide, abortion, prostitution, etc. The teen is also told that they can receive FREE services without their parent’s approval by law. They are told exactly how to get it. They are even told about how to use the bus service to get to the doctor’s office. It is sickening. The parent is given NO NOTIFICATION at all that this discussion is about to happen when she is asked to leave the room. Disgusting!

      As to my legal information, it’s easy. Just ask your doctor. You have every legal right to say, “NO.” to your pediatrician. You just say to them, “I’m going to give you instructions for my child and I want you to record this and put it in my child’s permanent record. (make sure you have a written, signed letter) NO ONE at this office has permission to meet with my child alone- ever. I fear for my child’s safety. I don’t trust my child alone with any strange adult due to fears of sexual assault. As long as my child is my legal responsibility, I have the legal right & responsibility to dictate how she is treated. I demand to be present at all times when she is treated in this office. If anyone meets with my daughter without my consent or without me being present, I will make a police report immediately. I will consider it a violation of her personal safety.”

      Then, you make sure that you talk to your daughter about trust. Make sure that she knows all about her body, all about pregnancy, abortion and every other topic under the sun that she could be curious about. I say this because if she doesn’t hear it from you, she will go elsewhere. And you WANT her to come to YOU and trust YOU. Make sure you tell her that no matter what, she can come to you. If she gets pregnant, she can come to YOU and YOU will help her. Without condemnation. If she gets drunk or high, she can come to YOU and YOU will help her. Without condemnation. You need to be the one she goes to. Not the school counselor and not the pediatrician. Tell your kids EVERYTHING, tell them the truth. Tell them your own mistakes. If you had an abortion, tell them. Did drugs and regret it? Tell them. Be honest.

      I have done this. I believe my kids will come to me when/if the need arises. This is my prayer. In this day and age, the adult predators are circling. They want to snatch our children away when they stumble and get angry with us. We need to be strong and fight back- but in more ways than one.

      • My pediatrician told me to leave the room to ask all those personal questions. But there is never just the Dr and child. There is always a nurse in the room with them. I did leave the room for my first daughter but won’t do it again with my second. Although I will never be in fear of this Dr doing something to my kids because he treated me and many other children in my family. But my oldest pretty much over tells me things. Things I sometimes don’t want to know about. But I am so very happy she has that kind of trust in me. My younger daughter is 12 and she’s not as open but knows I’m the last person that would ever judge her or be upset with her. She’s just private and if she wishes to stay private I respect that and I believe unless it’s medically necessary the Dr should respect her privacy as well. I always drill safe sex and what drugs do to people and alcohol too. Their father tells them stories about how he as an EMT held friends and strangers as they took their last breath because of drunk driving accidents or drug overdoses. I’ve told them all about family and friends who I loved dying because of choices they made. I talk to them about STDs and what each one does to you. And pregnancy and how life altering it is even if you’re an adult and plan it out. And if they do have an unplanned pregnancy they absolutely can come to me and we can figure it out together. And that I will 100% respect whatever choice they make. So there is absolutely no reason for anyone else to intervene in your child’s privacy like that. Maybe the Dr should ask parents first what they have talked to their kids about and how they can if they already didn’t. Educate parents instead of stepping on their toes

  32. Hi. I need some help. Our school is suggesting our son go to an alternative school for behavior issues. My question is an important one and I need to know whether or not this is true. Can we meet with the new school WITHOUT having anyone from the present school there. I told them (since we believe strongly more could’ve been done to meet our son’s needs at his present high school…very disappointed) that they cannot go to meet with this school and discuss issues with our son without our express written permission to do so. Any help asap is appreciated. The meeting is this Monday, the 21st at 9am. :0

    • Hi Amy, most parents don’t realize just how powerful they are when it comes to their children and schools. This school has no right to do anything with your son. Here is your right: You pay taxes for him to go that THAT school. Wherever you live determines where you have a legal right to attend school. That is fixed in stone. Nothing can stand in your way for that. This is based on your taxes. Your school can’t ‘kick’ your kid out of their school unless they are expelling him- and even then, it can’t be permanent. You have massive legal rights even under expulsion. Your son has a legal right as a citizen to receive a public education- again, because your tax money has already paid for that education. And the location where he receives it is determined by your address.

      So, unless you are receiving a variance to go to your current high school, they must continue teaching your son. They can recommend until the cows come home, but they can’t force you to leave. Only you can sign your rights away.

      Now. If you want to have your child go to another school, you can meet with whomever you want, whenever you want and you certainly don’t have to have anyone you don’t want present! So, if you want to meet with officials at the new school and don’t want officials from the old school there, don’t invite them! If the meeting has already been set up and you don’t know who is coming, call and ask. If you don’t like who is coming, just cancel the meeting. They can’t very well go on without you! Further, they absolutely may not meet with your son if you expressly tell them, in writing, that they may not do so without you being present. Thus, you can ensure that you are always present whenever they wish to meet with your son. This way, you can be sure to be at any meetings with any school officials whatsoever. So, you don’t need to look at this next meeting as a legal issue. Just call before the meeting (heck, even if you walk up to the meeting and ask, it’s still fine) and ask, “who’s going to be here?” and if it is not to your satisfaction, just say, “I’m not satisfied with this arrangement and would like to make different arrangements at a more convenient time, if you don’t mind. Thank you. I’m sorry for the inconvenience and last minute notice. I will be contacting you sometime this afternoon to reschedule.” Then, decide what kind of meeting you do want to have, with whom, etc. And then, invite whomever you wish and simply don’t notify the other party whom you don’t wish to be there! There is nothing forcing you to go to that Monday meeting, right? So, just cancel until you can organize your thoughts better. Don’t let the schools push their own timeline and agenda. You need time to set your own timeline and strategy.

      The ONLY thing you need to do is write them a strong letter telling them that no school official of any kind may meet with your son without you being present. The only exception to this is his teachers for the purpose of normal class instruction. Otherwise, you are requiring them to call you to determine whether you wish to be present. Once you have that in place, you can be the one to set the meetings and do the inviting. Don’t let them do the planning and inviting and you won’t be stressed out.

      So. Are we clear? You have a legal right to attend the school that has been assigned to your address. Unless you have gotten a variance, you are already attending that school now and no one can force you to change.

      Worse case scenario, cancel the Monday meeting and tell them that it is not a good time to meet and that you will reschedule with them at a later date. Take control.

      If you want to change schools, you certainly may meet with the new school alone, without anyone from the old school, by making your own meeting with them and not inviting the current school officials.

      I hope that untangles the mess for you and gives you a go- forward strategy. Susan

  33. Are schools allowed to set a meeting with a parent and have a counsler present without their knowledge and then have the counsler chime in on her opinion and take over the conversation? I feel now that my son (4years old) will be the focus and may be interrogated by the counsler instead of the biting child by which my son was assaulted by twice and its all because I voiced my opinion about how it’s the schools inability to control the situation.

    • Hi Tanya, most parents don’t realize that they can request a meeting to have whomever they wish at it. If you don’t want a counselor there, just say so. If the meeting has already taken place, then there isn’t much you can say about it. You are in full control of whatever meetings you participate. No one can force you to go to any meeting you don’t wish to be in, right? I assume you wish to be there to talk about the ‘biter’. So, go and be in charge. That is your job. The school, of course, will not take the blame. But if you feel it is a lack of oversight by the school, just say so. No matter how much anyone says, you will have your time to speak too- but you have to take it.

      As to your child. Your child need not be present at all. I never allow my child to be questioned unless I am present. I never take my child to formal meetings like that. I highly doubt that they would be interested in talking to a four year old when discussing the situation with you. If they do want to combine the questioning of your child with the meeting with you, just ask for them to be separate meetings. One to question your child about the event and one to meet with you- without your child being present. But you will be present on both accounts.

      In any case, it doesn’t appear to be a serious situation either way. It’s just a child biting a child. I don’t know if this is your first child, but relax. In the scheme of things, this is no big deal. Kids bite, kick, and hit. I wish that is where it all ended. This is a good situation for you to practice being the ‘parent in control’ of the school instead of allowing the school to be in control of you. No need for rudeness. Just let them know what YOU will allow or not allow, ok?

  34. Wow, this is absurd. I can’t image what my life would be like now if I hadn’t told my therapist about the physical and emotional violence my parents inflicted upon my younger sister and I. There are thousands of young people out there right now whose parents beat them, coerce them to submit to their demands, rape them, even cause them to take their own lives. Had my abuser (my own father) been present during all my therapy sessions, I would have kept my mouth shut because if he heard me tell the things he’s done to anyone, he would most likely have killed me. Because of the abuse I’ve suffered, I can never have children of my own, but this does not mean I would make a bad parent. It also means not every human with a functioning uterus automatically is the best parent to whoever pops out of her.
    People that feel like they are the one and only people that should have any say in their childrens’ lives sicken me. Children already have very limited rights, but to treat any human being as the property of someone is horrid and disgusting. If it wasn’t for all the laws and services that took my parents rights to me away, I’d probably not even be alive today.

    • Hi Anonymous, I am so sorry for your treatment. I really am. I’m glad you had a therapist who helped you. I hope that you and your sister are ok. Whether you believe it or not, the vast majority of parents don’t treat their children that way. I hope this encourages you rather than make you sadder for not having had it in your life. I’m sorry my article upset you, but I stand by it. Counselors do have their place and I would never ban them. Someone good came into your life and it seems like they may have rescued you from a bad situation. However, it does seem like you still have a lot of anger and maybe a lot of fear within you and I hope you have someone in your life to help you. I hope you have family to love you and take care of you even if it isn’t your parents. I’m sorry your parents didn’t love you as God commanded them to do. Be strong, my love. You can make it in this world- but don’t lose your own love in the process, ok? The world can look cold and unfriendly, but there is a lot of love in a lot of people too. Most of all, I want you to know that GOD loves you as you are his darling child. HE is your father whom you can always count on. You are not fatherless or motherless. Jesus is your brother and your Lord. Don’t forget him. Try to go to Church. There, you will find your truest brothers and sisters of all. It is your family forever.

  35. I so appreciate your advice and views in particular concerning school counselors who can not be trusted. I really don’t know where to turn to ensure that my child has access to resources and opportunities that will hopefully enhance her academic career. My daughter is a black student at a predominantly white high school. She just finished the 9th grade making straight A’s both semesters. She was freshman Key Club representative and will be the club secretary next year as a sophomore. She volunteers in the community after school program tutoring elementary school students. She is active in the drama club and has high aspirations for her future. The school offers a Leadership class that she had to apply to yet sadly she did not get selected. I was told that 100 students applied and 30 per semester were chosen. The ethnic ratio at the school is 60% Caucasian/ 22% Black/ 17% Other. With this ratio I am concerned that there may be a disproportionate amount of white students accepted in the class vs a disproportionate amount of non-white students who were not. I do not trust the school to act fairly towards my child as we have established that her counselor had bullied her in the past and I made a big stink about it. As a tax-payer whose child attends a federal government funded public school what are my rights and what should I do to ensure that she has access to every opportunity that I believe are often unfairly set aside for her white counterparts?

    • Wow, I am so sorry for the late response and now, I fear my response will be of little use. Please update me if you get this message. Well, I can tell you that as a black student, even writing a letter with the term, ‘racist’ in it will alarm the pants off just about every school administer today! haha! Now, having said that, please make sure that your heart is clean in this matter. I’m sure your little girl is wonderful- but the last thing you want to do as the parent of a black child is to abuse the political correctness and the fear around it, right? Especially if you are a Christian who answers to God. He knows our hearts and minds and ultimately, we answer to him. Make sure your heart is right before you ever throw that word around. If you truly believe that racism is at the heart of why you little girl hasn’t been chosen, then write that letter to the Superintendent of Schools and cc it to your principle and vice principle. THAT will get their attention, I promise you. If they still won’t listen, you can threaten to take it to the school counsel and the newspaper. Your girl will be on that leadership team in two seconds. BUT if the matter is not racism, then you need to address it a little differently. It sounds more like the counselor and your daughter might have had an issue in the past and this might be the issue. Does the counselor have any say in who makes it into the leadership class? If so, I would write the same letter, but start with the principle and cc the counselor. I would ask why my child wasn’t selected and ask if the counselor was the problem. State the problem from the past and give your child’s credentials. Take it from there. Listen to the qualifications of the other children. It could be that the others just out competed yours. If so, take it like a woman and teach your child about the grace of losing and trying again. If the explanation makes no sense at all, then you can always write to the superintendent of schools and take the other actions I mentioned.

      It never hurts to give the school principal a chance first. So, even if you think it is racism and if there is time, you might want to give him/her a chance first. Like I said, be careful with that word. It can also harm your child. I’m a big believer in letting kids make their way in this world without the aid of special privileges. I was given the chance to apply for college as a minority and as a woman. I REFUSED out of pride. I am so happy I never did because I know I did it in full competition with every other kid. I know I can compete with a WHITE MALE and win! haha! Don’t take that from your little girl by crying, ‘racism’ every time she fails. Just a thought from a female minority who got to grow up without any help of that kind…

  36. I am a junior in high school and I appreciate when my doctor sends my mother out of the room during appointments. There were times where I did suffer from self harm and depression and various other problems and I told my doctor them when my mom was out of the room. Don’t get me wrong, my mom is a wonderful woman and she has treated me so well. I am blessed to have her. Every daughter goes through stuff and sometimes parents need to respect their kid’s privacy. If they hare honestly getting help, I do not see what the problem is. And also, when I had a male doctor, they sent in a female nurse for accountability. This blog post is overgeneralizing doctors.

    • Anon, I’m very glad you are getting help- especially if you are harming yourself. But I do have to wonder why you couldn’t go to your mother, dear. She is your best advocate. She is your most trusted ally in this life. No one loves you like your mother. Please don’t let the schools and doctors and counselors sell you a bill of goods, love. They are PAID to take care of you. Once you leave that room, they forget all about you. They forget your face and all your troubles. They go out for a date and drink wine. Your troubles don’t bother them in the least. Your parents love you with their heart and soul. You are a part of them- literally. Your suffering is their suffering. You may not realize how much you mean to them. If you are suffering like this in your home and your mother doesn’t know, clearly there is a problem of intimacy between you and your parents. No doubt about it. And if you felt you couldn’t go to your mother and father for some reason, I’m glad you felt you could go to someone else. But. I do feel that doctors and schools actively promote to children that their parents are the bad guys, people to be avoided when these types of troubles come up in their lives. As if their parents will only punish them. As if their parents are out of touch. As if their parents will not understand them as much as the abortion clinic, the drug clinic, the hip counselor or the doctor who won’t ‘judge’ them. Hon, listen to me. They won’t judge you, that is 100% true, but they also don’t give one hoot what the consequences of your decision are either. Example: if you got pregnant and you panicked and went to your pediatrician, all she would do is give you the phone number to Planned Parenthood and tell you how to get an abortion for free or for little money. She would also reassure you that she will not inform your parents. Ditto for the people at Planned Parenthood. They will all smile at you, stroke your arm, and ‘not judge’ you. And that might give you all the courage you need to have the abortion. But, do they care about the potential emotion impact of that abortion on you later in your life?? NO. Not at all. And let me tell you, Anonymous, there ARE consequences. So many women suffer terrible depression afterward. Worse, if they find out their parents would have loved that baby and would have supported them if they had just come to them and told them! What if they find out the father wanted the baby and would have married her? All kinds of things could happen. The girl grows into a woman and has other children. So many women always wonder about the child they aborted for the rest of their lives. Some can’t get over the thought, “I killed my baby.” etc. And do you think that doctor or that counselor will be there for you or any other girl they smiled at or ‘didn’t judge’? No. They don’t care one bit.

      Anonymous. Being in a relationship is never easy. Sure, your mother might react to some of your decisions. But WHY will she react? BECAUSE SHE LOVES YOU. Not because she is paid to be nice to you. She will always want the best for you. And sometimes, it might not look like what you want. And you will have to work with her and your dad to figure out the best way forward. But that is how FAMILIES work!! Your FAMILY, not these strangers, will always be there for you when things are down, I promise you. You need to go to these family members when you are in trouble. THEY will help you. Your mom and dad won’t ‘judge’ you for being depressed. They might not react in ways you consider ‘helpful’, but such is life. But they LOVE you and would probably die for you. And that is worth everything. You can always ask them to help you find a counselor- then it is with their knowledge and consent. And they can even participate in the counseling- and that seems like what you really need anyway. Something is wrong in your family dynamics, can’t you see that? You don’t trust your mother and father enough to come to them. Soooo… have the counseling address the whole family together! But don’t go to strangers, my dear. You are very young and don’t understand strangers. The world is ready to eat you up and spit you out. Stick with your family. They are the ones you can count on. That is my advice.

      • Sarah, is there a reason you want me to delete you comment? If there is no reason, then I see no need to delete it. I don’t usually delete comments- neither mine nor others. Unless you have a pressing reason.

      • I see. I understand. I erased your name and email. It is now an anonymous comment. I would like to leave it as it is a good comment with a good response that took some time to write. I think you had a valid criticism of my article and wanted to leave it. I want to show that I don’t mind posting negative comments on my blog. Are you ok with me just deleting your name and email?

  37. Just yesterday I took my 16 year old daughter to her new pediatrician. She’s been having hormone related issues, hair loss and scalp psoriasis. Coincidentally all of her health problems began after receiving the hpv vaccine. Everything was going smoothly until she asked me to leave the exam room. I firmly said no! She’s a minor and last time I did that she received the hpv vaccine without my permission! She insisted until I gave up and left the room infiurated. I waited about 5 minutes outside while thinking, she’s my daughter, my responsibility and a minor! So I went back nocked on the door and opened it. I then said to my daughter let’s go home we’re leaving and going to look for a different clinic. I know I was furious and probably looked like like I was crazy but I’m not going to let something bad happen to my daughter again! When I got home and told my husband what happened his first reaction was… aren’t you afraid that the doctor may call cps on us??? Now I’m here wondering what my parental rights are and terrified that she will call cps to take my children away!

    • Of course she can’t call cps!!!! Of course you can take your daughter to another clinic! YOU are the parent and can stay for EVERY appointment. Especially if your daughter says she wants you. Even if she doesn’t. You have EVERY legal right to care for your daughter. That’s why I wrote this article. It was to PROTECT the rights of parents and to reassure them of their full parental rights. Doctors ACT like they can kick you out. But all you need to do is ASK them outright, “Do I still have the LEGAL right to stay in this room or not?” And they will tell you clearly, ‘Yes, you have the legal right. I just don’t BELIEVE in you staying in the room.” And some really huffy doctors might dare to say, “I won’t treat your daughter if you don’t leave the room. That’s how strongly I feel about it.” One pediatrician actually dared to say that to me. I IMMEDIATELY demanded to see her boss, the administer of the clinic. The boss came down in a huge flurry and APOLOGIZED profusely to me. The doctor was made to apologize to me and my daughter. She meekly said, “I’m very sorry. Of course I will respect your legal right to remain and I will treat your daughter.” Then, I said, “No, thanks. We will go elsewhere where they have their processes and doctors in line.” And out we went.

      BELIEVE ME, your rights are intact. Doctors are notoriously LIBERAL when it comes to girls and their ‘rights’. They will shove birth control and abortion on them behind your back. They will also ask all kinds of traitorous questions behind your back. Ones tha clearly send the message: “parents are not to be trusted but I am. If you do anything wrong, your parents will yell at you and judge you. But I never will. Come to me first. Avoid all consequences and troubles.” I say, “Listen, whatever you want to say to my daughter, you should be able to say in front of me, right? What the heck do you want to say to her that you can’t say in front of me? In any case, I talk to her about everything you could possibly want to talk about. But I am her mother- not you. If she ever drinks too much, takes drugs or gets pregnant, I will be the one to help her, not you. You won’t be the one to deal with the emotional scars or the joy of the decisions that are made in those crucial days following these events- I will. So, if you don’t mind, step away from my daughter. You do your job, I will do mine. You will NEVER love or invest in my daughter like I have and will.”

      We, parents, MUST stand up for our children. We must not be cowed by society. Even if they did call on CPS, we must fight for our children. We must not give in to fear. That is not a way to live. We walk in FAITH and confidence. NOT fear. If we walked in fear, they have already won.

  38. I came upon this thread by accident as I was searching for something on the internet to help me with a form I am creating to use in my profession as a school counselor. I must say that as a school counselor, I am DEEPLY offended by this post and many of the comments. As a Christian, I am hurt and disappointed in it. School counselors and educators are not bad people. We go in to this profession to help kids because we love them and we want to make a positive impact on their lives. I can assure you we do much more than just see students for counseling, although that is part of our job. Because we work as support in a school setting, we do not have the resources or time to work with kids as a therapist. Part of our responsibility is to make referrals to see therapists outside of school when students need that. Parents are always involved in these and many other decisions and sometimes parents chose to go against our recommendations. Like other professions, including physicians, and even the general population in many states, we are mandated reporters. If we have knowledge or reason to believe a child is being abused, we are legally bound to report that or we will lose our license. However, what would be much worse to us than losing our license would be a child being hurt or killed because we chose to not intervene. It is NOT our job to decide if abuse has occurred. That is a judgement that is made by other professionals. I am certain you and most other parents are wonderful and would never intentionally hurt their children but watch the news every now and then. Abuse of children today is rampant. I am a parent myself and I understand the responsibility of protecting them. I would probably request to stay in the room with my child for an examination as well. However, I am sure doctors have found, as I have as a counselor, there are children who are afraid to talk with their parents about some topics including abuse (by parents or other adults) and that is just the reality of it. School counselors do not take kids to have abortions. If they did, the media would have a field day and they would lose their job (as they should). We have a code of ethics. Until a child is no long a minor, parents still have to be informed. Your article and the comments made come across as very uninformed as to what the profession actually is. As Christians, I think supporting the school systems instead of condemning and constantly opposing every action we take, would be much more appropriate. Frankly, your article and many of its comments are judgmental and hateful. Many school counselors like myself (and I’m sure many physicians as well) are Christians and are motivated to help others because of the example of Christ. We make sacrifices most people never even realize for people we sometimes hardly even know through our jobs. You said you call people out for hypocrisy. Well, I’m calling you out on this one.

    • Hello Kerry. I’m sorry that this article and some of the comments hurt your feelings and perhaps your school doesn’t do what our schools do, but I know now that the federal government has taken control of schools, I have no trust whatsoever in them. You, as a Christian, can’t have failed to notice that the government is training our children to despise God and everything he stands for. And one of those things is the authority and love of their parents. Even more, the very trust and confidence they should have in their parents. Tell me, does your school hold a conference every year with the students when you, the counselor, stand in front and tell them that they can come to you for anything at all- including drug problems, suicidal thoughts, pregnancy, abortions, etc, and that you will not tell their parents if they don’t wish you to? If you do, then you are part of the problem and I, as your fellow sister in Christ, stand against you on this issue. I will stand and correct you in your actions because it is clear that you don’t know what harm you are causing. Perhaps your heart is in the right place, but your mind is not considering what you are doing. If you are not doing such things, then good. Perhaps you and your school are not included in my criticism. But let me tell you, sister, my school and MANY other schools do this. They don’t send any letters home to the parents to let them know that this ‘discussion’ will be taking place at school. It is done in secret. And as you know, most teens don’t come home and tell their parents everything. they just say, ‘fine’ and ‘nothing’ when you ask how their day was and if anything new happened. This is EXACTLY what pediatricians do as well. They ask you to leave, never telling you why they want you to leave. They say it is to train the child for having one on one relationships with their doctors as adults, but it is really to ask intrusive questions. The problem is not that I don’t want them to know about my home life or that I don’t want them catching abusers. The problem is that they are telling the ENTIRE COLLECTIVE of teenagers that parents are NOT TO BE TRUSTED and that the STATE is to be trusted. ‘We won’t tell your parents if you don’t want us to.” This is not ok. This is a 100% reversal from how it used to be. Parents are the FIRST to be trusted. That is why we are trusted to raise them. If this were not so, why are we legally bound to raise them, for goodness sake? I don’t want to hear the figures about child abuse, either. It is the statistical abberation compared to the incredible stats, the BILLIONS of parents who successfully love and nurture their kids. The very last thing a school or doctor should be doing, AS A PRACTICE is making ALL KIDS feel they can’t trust their parents. Don’t you think? Especially when it is the parents who will be dealing with ALL CONSEQUENCES of their actions? I’m saying that what these schools, counselors and pediatricians are doing is counter productive and illogical to our society as a whole. It is damaging to our society as a whole. It is taking the collection and creating a process as if the collection were the abberation. It makes no sense. Better to have a screening process that can find the abberation and THEN put the abberations through the abberation process. Can’t you see that logic? Otherwise, you rob the entire collective of the most trusted, most effective, most loving option of all- their parents!!

      But of course most counselors and pediatricians can’t see this because, well, pride. You feel pride in your work. But please, sister, don’t feel too much pride. Your job has its limits. Its limits exist exactly where my rights begin. You are not and will never be my child’s mother. You will never have to deal with the consequences of any advice you give my daughter. I will deal with all of them. For that reason, your job and your rights are extremely limited- as they should be. But you need to know where your place is in all this. Don’t exaggerate where you are needed. Find the ones who are being abused. I don’t think it is that hard to do. Most teachers with sharp eyes can easily, easily spot children in crisis. If they can’t, they aren’t very observant.

      The real reason schools and doctors are doing this is because they are PROGRESSIVES and are trying to break up the strength of the FAMILY UNIT. That is why they support divorce, adultery, gay marriage, polygamy, beastiality, man/boy relationships, gay adoption, and every other sexual deviancy and alternative relationship. Every strong civilization has had strong family units at its core. It is when the family unit falls apart that the civilization falls. The Progressive goal is to destroy the USA in favor of, first, the American Union, and then, ultimately, a world government. The family has to go first.

      You might think, geeze, what a mouthful and what craziness, but it’s true. That’s why the gov. took over education. That’s why they are messing with kids and their parents. I ask you to understand the issue, at least. My complaint is not against every counselor. It is against those who participate willingly in this process. I have no doubt that there are many beautiful Christians who truly love children working as counselors. People like you. I am not speaking to you. Unless you are willingly doing the things I speak of. So, accept my apologies and please try to understand the broader issue here. Thanks, susan

  39. My son was just told he needs to go see a counselor every week. He came home and told us this today. He thinks he did something wrong now. We’re upset no one notified us and also we feel like if he needed a counselor it would be far from any of them at the school. I’ve sent a note in requesting him not to go. I did not know they could just do this without your permission.

    • Hi Tom, of course they can’t do this without your permission! In fact, you can tell them to NEVER meet with your son without you being present again. Write a letter and send it via email ASAP to the principal and copy it to the Superintendent of schools stating your dissatisfaction with the entire situation. Let them know how very unhappy you are that they met with your son already, told him that he needed counseling and never spoke to you, his parents, about it at all. Tell them that your son feels like he has done something wrong and is completely distressed. Tell them how completely unprofessional you think all these actions are. (all email addresses will be on your school website) Tell them that you don’t want anyone from the school to meet with your son unless you or his mother is present from this point forward. The only exception to this is his teacher in the normal course of the day. Don’t lose your temper and never use curse words.

      YOU have all rights over your son. The schools like to just tell you or your kids what is what and hope you don’t put your foot down. YOU must know your rights and then control the situation. Call the school and tell them you want to set up a meeting with the principal immediately to understand the situation. And remember, NO ONE can force your son to seek counseling. NO ONE.

      Once you go to the meeting, find out all the people your son met with and the exact content of those meetings. Make sure you get your son’s version before you go. Don’t bring your son- protect him completely. Write it all down beforehand. Then, find out why they think your son needs counseling. Find out why they didn’t consult with you. Find out who initiated the contact between your son and the school- did your son go to the counselor with a problem first or did they come to him with a complaint? Again, ask all this of your son first. After you get all the information, ask what kind of counseling they were talking about, whether it costs money, who would be paying and where it is located. Then, don’t make any decisions and go home to talk it over with your wife and boy. Only then, be ready to write a final letter and make a final meeting with the school principal, school counselor or whoever was involved and give your conclusions. If you feel an apology is due, then ask for one to take place at the final meeting.

      This is my advice. Susan

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