Something very strange has happened, readers. Something I feel you should know about as I know it will lead to many future articles. Most of you know that I recently wrote an article about the rape I endured at West Point. I wrote that piece in response to a recent FOX article that outlined the redoubled efforts of the military to deal with the rape of female soldiers. Bottom line: our congressmen are getting fed up with the military brass taking so long to produce results in this area and are now threatening to take the prosecution of rapes out of their jurisdiction and into civilian courts. My article was to give credibility to the problem of rape and the need for the military to do a better job of rape prevention.
My goal had nothing to do with revenge- I could have done that long, long ago. This is not the first time I have spoken of it online. However, I do believe it is the first time I have spoken of it with such a large readership. In any case, many of you have recommended that I report my attacker officially to the military. I responded that I have no need for revenge- that God will handle this for me. Well, I received an email yesterday from a special agent from the Special Victims Unit at Joint Base Lewis-McChord here in WA state. Apparently, one of my readers reported the incident to some brass at the Pentagon. And now they want to interview me. I will admit that my heart did a double take when I read it but responded that I would do a phone interview.
I just spoke to the CID (Criminal Investigations Division)’s agent and found that my attacker is up for a one star general. Friends. I have no need to take revenge but this has moved into new territory. I am just plain offended by this one.
If I had wanted revenge, I would have simply done what the female colonel at West Point told me to do- file then and there. He was a colonel then. He is a colonel now. Nothing has changed. But this is God’s hand. The military contacted me. Not the other way around. In fact, when I first read the email, I felt sorry thinking about the harm it would do to someone and their innocent wife and children!! But knowing he might be put in a position to affect POLICY and STRATEGY in the military I love, in the country I love… well, guess what? THAT I will not abide. What if he chose to run for political office afterward? An unrepentant rapist can NOT be a policy maker for the United States of America. No. Way. Not if I can prevent it.
So. I go tomorrow to do what I have not wanted to do for 27 years- I will be making an official statement that describes not only my rape but the female hating environment of that academy during the years I was there (1983-1986). Also about the decade of suicidal depression that overtook me afterward.
Friends, this rape and the subsequent feelings of uselessness and despair that resulted from quitting (failing) at West Point is what led me, finally, to my knees to Jesus. Isn’t that ironic? And Jesus took all need for revenge from my heart and mind that day. Yet. God’s day of judgement for that man has come.
I think about the mind of God. Only GOD could have devised such a plan. I told you about all those years of God’s silence as I called out to him in my anguish. (read, One Christian’s Journey to hear that story) I couldn’t understand his silence. I knew he knew I was suffering- so why didn’t he speak??? But. I knew he loved me and that he was there, out there, watching my every move, my every struggle.. my every tear. Now, I look at this new situation and I see the hand of my God, my dear Father, my Abba. God saw my faithfulness and he has made my life completely rich. I live without regret every day of my life. My joy and peace have been complete. I need nothing. Which is exactly why revenge just feels like trouble and I do not bother with it. And yet. Look what he has done! THEY called me. No one can accuse me of seeking fame or fortune or revenge! In this way, God has protected me from the evil accusations people would love to make about me. From the deep investigations that would try to rustle up every unsavory thing I have ever done. The political climate would forbid any actions of that kind! Unlike what they did to Anita Hill, they will only lose big if they attempt to blame the victim and not the rapist. God’s timing is perfect, is it not?
And God waited to punish my attacker until he was about to reach the pinnacle of human power- right when someone has recommended him for a one star general. I could not have possibly known that until the agent called me and told me! God waited until this horrible, immoral, unapologetic man was about to preen in his power and chose this moment to strike him down. For all the world to see. Now that amazes me. I am so happy that I did not seek revenge on this man. Because this shows that God will do it for his faithful servant. It should give you all hope. God never forgets us. We must give it all to him. In his own perfect timing, he will indeed bring the mighty low- the attacker to justice. Even if there is not enough evidence to fire him, I doubt very much the Army will give him that star. Because God gave me something else: he have me YOU. He gave me this platform from which to tell my story. If they attempt to attack the victim, they know I will write about it. If they allow him to become a general, I will write about it and it will show that they are not serious at all about rape. I am not friendless. We have banded together, we Christian conservative bloggers. And the winds are on my side. They may not be able to fire him, but I do not believe he will make that star. And here is what I know: EVERYONE will believe me. And that is enough for me and for justice to be done. In fact, if he was fired, I would carry the burden of his children and wife. I don’t want them to suffer financially for what their father did. They are innocent. Just the vindication of telling my story, at the military’s request, is enough.
Friends, I take no joy in this. It has surprised me so very much. On a side note, I have friends in the Army(from West Point) who knew of this rape and yet they never reported this man. Not one of them was willing to break the code of silence between the ‘Boys’ of the military. And yet, they have called me ‘friend.’ This has only just occurred to me- it is a sad thought indeed. It took a reader of Short Little Rebel to care enough to report it to the Army. How about that?
I need you all to pray for me because my stomach has been overturned. I thought I was fearless. Literally. I have been so hardened by life that nothing scares me anymore. No human being can intimidate me. That much I know. But the idea of hurting someone else does affect me. Even if that person is my own attacker who stole away my peace and dignity. It is not natural for me to hurt another. But neither will I lie to an Army who is asking me for the truth. Pray for me, friends. Please. I go tomorrow at 11am. Please think of me then and pray that God puts the words of wisdom, fairness and respect in my mouth that I might represent myself well and that my enemies will be held at bay. Pray too for Col. Riggins’ wife and children that they might not be harmed in all this.
My father worries that somehow I will get injured in this process. He has no trust of the government and fears I will be vilified. But I will NEVER back down from the truth- especially out of fear. Guess that’s why I call myself a rebel. I always rebel when forces stronger than myself try to intimidate me. My attacker has resources by now. But so do I. I have YOU. And I have GOD. And with him, I need fear no one. God bless you. I will get back to you with an update later.