Tonight, I understand why people bury their heads in the sand. I almost wished I hadn’t spent my life begging God for wisdom and knowledge. To see evil, really see it, is to assault every belief in happiness. It is one thing to see things on the news. It is another to think about what it really means. I think people become liberals out of fear. They NEED to believe that there is an earthly solution. Even for Christians. Because enduring the horrible evil of this life is just too hard sometimes. Holding up your own responsibilities is just too heavy sometimes. Times like this, I just want someone, anyone, to take it all away from me. I want to run away and hide in a little hole where nothing can touch me anymore.
I don’t want to think about the last frightened moments of a little girl who has been raped & is about to be murdered- I think about her calling out to her mommy and wondering why mommy doesn’t rescue her. Those thoughts are like sharp spikes into my brain. I don’t want to think about our children are being corrupted in a slow boil by the demonic earthly powers on this earth. Even with good, Godly parenting, I worry about the children who are so very surrounded by evil thinking. They are lonely out there. I hate money and everything about it. I hate making it. I hate spending it. I just hate it. Sometimes, I just hate being human. This walk is too hard.
I am so thankful that God has a hopeful light at the end of this sorry adventure. Sometimes, I look around and wonder, ‘why bother getting up today?’. Just more evil and then more. The enemy is too fierce- it is huge and has full control. WE, humans, can’t defeat it. We can’t. And feeling this small sucks. Anyone who has the courage to see and allow what they see to really enter their thoughts will feel this same pain of existence. The same pain of living. It is terrible to live, fighting for what is right, yet feeling the enemy gaining strength despite it. I know Christ is coming to win the day- that is the only hope I have left. It’s hard to just cancel out all those thoughts and just enjoy a meal. It’s hard to just act like that 10 year old girl didn’t just expire, staring her killer in the eyes. It’s hard to exercise, work, play or do anything with those kinds of thoughts. Life feels like an illusion. Like we are all plastering on smiles to make each other feel happier. But it’s not happy. Not happy at all.
That’s why people put such hope in someone like Obama. They have already taken the first step in this delusion. They have already decided to close their eyes to the pain of that little girl. They have already acquired the skills needed to see it on the news, turn away quickly and pour a glass of wine. They have learned to surround themselves with pretty things and pretty people. Avoidance of all things messy is now a sharply honed skill. But still, knowledge of evil manages to ooze in and make them feel uneasy and slightly nauseous. So when a person like Obama rolls along and promises to make all evil, all poverty, all crime, all sorrow, all unfairness, all sadness, all loneliness simply go away, then of course they will grab onto to him life a life raft.
No wonder they hate people like me. My misery just irritates them. It validates that evil really is happening. If they could just shut me and others like me up, we who say that there is NO HOPE of an earthly Messiah, then perhaps they can put off the misery for yet another day. They don’t want to wait for Christ. He might not come in time to save their earthly life- they don’t want to be like me. They don’t want to see the evil, feel the evil, and hope for Christ’s return- only to realize that he might not come in their lifetime. That is just not acceptable! No. Self delusion at least feels pretty good in the moment. And believing in an earthly Messiah allows them to hope! And nothing feels better than hope. Yeah, I know why they are liberals. They get to enjoy their life and yet have hope that all will be alright. Despite all the evidence to the contrary. Must be nice.
I want to ask you, how can a Christian who refuses to lie to herself or blind herself be happy on a day to day basis? I mean, how can we be happy knowing that others suffer so much? Especially kids? I put my hope in the Lord and pray for his return. But happy? No. I am less and less happy as I grow older. What is the answer?