Do you know what I have truly learned from this lawsuit? I have learned that you never know when you might be called to account for all that you have said and done. I realize that I might be in a slightly different situation than most because my words are written and permanent – and online, which makes them almost immortal. But everyone will be called to account to the Lord someday. And he doesn’t forget any of our words! My accounting is just coming a little early. And I regret a lot of my words! I don’t regret my positions, however, just my choice of words sometimes.
When I think that lots of people will flock to my blog after this t.v. interview, I wish I had done a better job of representing Christ’s gentleness & love. I regret that I got so irritated at people. I regret that I didn’t understand that the read word is so much harsher than the spoken word where you can see the face and hear the tone. But do you know what I don’t regret? Speaking in the first place- after all, that is in obedience to Christ’s Great Commission! It took courage to speak at all- and I know that Christ honors me for that much. Just wish I had done better. And I will do so in the future- I will learn from this mistake.
Do I think that this would have helped my case at all? No, not at all. My opinion is what
matters to the liberals. The most gentle of women who wouldn’t bake a cake for a gay wedding was sued (and lost everything) by a violent gay lobby group. Ditto for the sweetest florist in the world. People don’t care how sweetly you state your anti-gay agenda opinion. It, in and of itself, is enough to warrant your complete and total destruction. And they don’t look back with regret- they consider your destruction to be a valiant win. So, my regret isn’t for self protection. No.
It is simply that I will be seen as a Christian when all is said and done. And people will be coming to see what THIS Christian is all about. I believe in straight talk. I believe in taking the tough stance. I believe in honesty.
I believe in courage and standing for Christ boldly. But I lost my temper one time too many and wish I didn’t. I was curt one time to many and wish I hadn’t been. I bit more than I should have. My junk yard dog lacked sufficient discipline; my work is unworthy of Christ. That is what I regret. I feel naked, as if I am already standing before Jesus in my day of judgement. On the positive side, it greatly inspires me to do better from this day forward.
Please don’t be the person out there that nods their head and says, “I always told her that,” or, “I always knew she would regret that,” or, “I would never have been like her.” Instead, forgive my imperfections and learn from them. Indeed, start your own blog instead of judging me. Begin your own work for Christ- speak the Word, imperfect as your words will be. Life is about learning. We will always stumble.
My advice to everyone is this: your day of judgement will come just like mine. The public eye can’t even see as clearly as the Lord’s eye. If I am being laid open for all to see now, just think how naked you will stand before Jesus some day! God put me here for a reason, Friends, and that is to instruct you. To make an example for you. When I began this site, it was to BE a regular woman, imperfect in every way, who simply had the audacity to BEGIN the work of the Great Commission. I wanted to encourage every person by proving that God can use every one of us to
do his work. He promised that he can and will use every pot, cracks and all, to do great things on this earth. Jesus told us to OPEN OUR MOUTHS AND SPEAK. If we don’t speak, nothing can happen.
And so, I spoke. And you can all see the results. Much has happened over the past six years. We have gone up and down and all around. God has been all through my and your lives. He has done miracles, like healing Cal’s cancer and healing my depression. He has given great trials which we have all overcome. We have all gained strength through binding with one another and through frank discussion and mutual prayer. So many of you have become great mutual friends through my site. We have become bold in the face of political adversity. And now, I face the biggest trial of my life. Will I or will I not stand up for Christ as the world turns to look at me? Who will publicly stand with me, and thus, for Christ and what he taught us? Who will scurry away in fright? Who will be afraid to be seen with me? All this will be seen. And God will see it too.
Can you see how God is using a Nobody? He can achieve great things through everyone. Even you.
I am standing tall for you, readers. Sometimes, I want to just give up. I’ll be honest. I want to just say, “no more.” Sometimes, I want to just leave this earth and go home to Jesus. Such is the burden upon me now. I feel as if happiness will never come to me again. But then, I think of you. I’m serious. What would you do if you heard I gave up- if I took a bottle of pills and just went to sleep? Before God even gives his judgement in this case? What if I give up after all I have told you? Won’t you lose hope too? Might you also give up? If so, why have I worked for so long? I can’t let you down! You and my children are all that tether me to this world right now. This is the God’s honest truth. I will stay to the end and endure what God has set before me. I want you to see what courage is. I want you to know that God does not test beyond what is bearable. I want you to do likewise.
God is doing a mighty work through me. I don’t know why. I don’t know where he is going. I have no idea if he will save me. I just know I have to take each step in faith. And you are all meant to witness each step. It is for all your edification. You were meant to watch. There are no coincidences in life. I am nobody in this world and yet, this very important case swirls about me. I wish it wouldn’t. I wish it were swirling around someone else and I got to cheer them
on. I just want peace and quiet despite the image my enemies want to portray. But God will do what he will do. You must also obey God in what he asks of you. Just as I am. No one gets to hand in the towel, hear? No one. We’re in this together, thick and thin.