It’s Never Just One Careless Slip…

It never is, you know.  About four years ago when my blog was fairly new, I offended another Christian blogger, Stephen.   Only, at the time of the incident, I didn’t know who he was.   I also didn’t realize that he had been a reader for quite some time and an enthusiastic supporter of my blog.  He was just at the wrong place at the wrong time.  He was the collateral damage of one of my personal and public meltdowns.  And at the time, I thought, “Hey, what is one screw up?  So what?  I can’t be perfect all the time! I’m tired of always doing what’s right!  I’m tired of these so-called Christians who complain about my style and my personality and yet, don’t do anything themselves to help those who are heading straight for hell!”  He got the paw swipe of an angry lion in the middle of a bunch of hyenas.  At the time, I experienced a mild tinge of guilt but it quickly went away.  I didn’t note his name.  Little did I know what would proceed from that one slip of my temper.matt-12_36-37

About a week later, I saw that an article had been written about me by a Stephen T. McCarthy- an entire article– lambasting me for I knew not what.  I went and looked and was shocked at the photoshopped image of ..me!.. on the page.  I noted only a few words of the complaint.  My embarrassment and anger over the meme (my photo!) and the fact that a Christian had written an entire article against me prohibited me from reading the article at all.  I only saw a few words about me not responding to a comment or two and not thanking him for some compliments he had given me.  I was outraged.  His article was also confusing and a little difficult to read, so I just skimmed it.  An entire hate article just because I hadn’t taken the time to thank him for a few comments?  ‘Did this man not realize how many comments I got in a day?’ I thought at the time.   I was receiving so many for certain articles then that I couldn’t clear them fast enough- they were stacking up!

I saw it as extremely unfair and completely wrong from a fellow Christian.  He and his article were giving fodder to atheists and I felt, were weakening the Christian brotherhood at the same time.  Christians shouldn’t be tearing each other down in public.   “He should have sent me a private message with his grievance, not this.”  So  I wrote him off.  I never connected him with the reader, Stephen, I had yelled at just days before.  To me, he had no case.

As I said, it was almost four years ago.  However, just a few days ago, I googled ‘short little rebel’ and as usual, there was his article along with many of mine in response to that search term.  This time, I thought, “You know, let’s find out what this man’s whole grievance was and see if he had any merit.”  It was a prompting of the Holy Spirit.  He had never told me what his original grievance was other than the article, which perhaps he thought I would read.

proverbs-18_21With great difficulty, especially as I saw that he had actually sided with my rapist’s wife and had, apparently, with some glee, posted about my upcoming rape defamation trial on the same article, I finally read the angry article carefully.  In it, he said that he had been a long time supporter of mine.  That he had told his readers all about me.  That he had modeled several articles after one of mine and that he had actually recommended that his readers sign up for my blog.  He also said that he had left me several messages to this effect and that I had never acknowledged him, his efforts on my behalf or even offered any gratitude for it.   Then, he said, out of left field, when he had slightly differed in opinion from me, when he had dared to even question my opinion, I had called him a ‘loser’ and threw him off my page.  He also said I broke my word to him concerning his comment about Obama’s sexuality, that I had purposely misunderstood it, that I promised to post it but then didn’t do it.    He also said I changed a comment of his on my blog and thus, ‘defamed’ him.  If all this was true, then, I thought, I really did do wrong.  My hair was tingling with dread.

So, I went to my comment section and found all his comments.  Here are the results:  As to the comment concerning Obama:  False.  I did let his comment stand.  He must not have seen it.  As to changing his comment:    I did.  After I wrote an angry response on his hate article, he wrote an angry response to my Project Redemption article (a project where I teach other Christians how to blog successfully for Christ),  mocking the number of people who had signed up for it on WordPress.  Rather than simply delete the post, I deleted his words and inserted my own words into his comment, making him look stupid.  But these words didn’t ‘defame him- they just made him look foolish.  (Truth be told, they made me look foolish as well.)  But this was wrong and small of me.  I was angry that he had written an article against me, but to respond in this tit-for-tat way was just juvenile.  So, I apologize to both Stephen and to my Readers.

He said that I didn’t show gratitude for his efforts on my behalf.  That stung me a little. I am usually very grateful.   The only response I can give is that, had I known or understood the efforts to which Stephen had gone to on my behalf, I would have given him my hearty thanks.  But as I didn’t read his comments fully, I didn’t.  While I understand that it might hurt his feelings, I didn’t really understand his comments (especially his angry article) very well.  Stephen isn’t a bad writer, but I find it difficult to understand what he writes sometimes.  I was also skimming through comments at the time.  It sufficed to note that he didn’t curse and meant well by his comment.  He passed the sniff test for moderation and I posted his comments out of politeness.  Had I taken more time to really understand and read more closely, I’m sure I would have understood better, but as it was, I was pressured to moderate so many comments that I couldn’t clear them in a day.  So, I think Stephen has to excuse me for not saying, ‘Thank You.’

As to not answering most of his comments,  I found that I did respond to at least half of them.   Stephen commented on 11 articles I wrote and I responded directly to him on six of them.  I don’t think that is a bad return for a blogger to her readers.  So, his complaint on that level, can’t really be called ‘untrue’ as it doesn’t really fit the situation, but I would say it was simply ‘unfair’.  He also said that I didn’t come and read his blog.  That is true, I didn’t.   He also claimed that I didn’t really read and comment on the content of some of his lengthier comments.  That is also true.

But those are not realistic expectations for any Reader, in my opinion.  A blogger can’t be expected to read every Reader’s comments in full (especially if they are long, windy or hard to understand) and can’t be held responsible for reading their Readers’ blogs.  I certainly wouldn’t hold it against a writer if I asked them to review my blog and they didn’t. I would assume they didn’t have the time.    I don’t believe that a Reader has the right to take umbrage over those any of those things.   And, any hurt feelings stemming from these expectations certainly doesn’t give him the right to lambast the blogger with a full blown hate article which shames both her and Christ at the same time, especially if he calls himself a Christian as well.

proverbs-21_23So, why do I need to apologize to him with an entire article of mine?  Because I finally made the connection between him and the ‘Stephen’ in the ‘Love the Sinner..” article.  And I saw that he was the one that I had ‘lost it’ on.  I really had lost it on him for no reason at all.  It was shameful.  I did call him a ‘loser’ and he had done nothing wrong to me.  Oh!  My shame really did spread through my body when I saw that!  Truly.  All the ugliness that transpired from there on was my fault!  What a hard thing to discover!

Stephen has his own sins to deal with in this situation and those are between him and God.  But I can’t deny that I started the whole ball rolling.  I hate that.  And then, to see how I casually laughed him off in my further answer to Vericat!  (see below)    I thought one person was expendable when I finally lost my temper as a Christian.  I never thought to go to that person and apologize- I didn’t feel that person was important enough to reconsider after I had calmed down.  Because I thought, “It’s just one person.  It’s just one Reader.  What difference can that make?  I can’t be perfect all the time.  God will forgive me.”  It is because of that pride, that condescension that I must apologize.  My momentary folly resulted in such personal pain- more to me than to Stephen, surely.

God did NOT forgive me as I so blithely thought he would.  And clearly, neither did Stephen.  And his article has sat there, poking me in the ribs for almost four years!   Worse, he even joined up with my worst enemy, my rapist who is now suing me for over 2 million dollars in court for daring to say his name in public.  Oh, how evil loves to build upon itself!  Do you see?  There really are consequences for the careless word.

It’s never just one one careless slip.  You can make enemies at the drop of a hat.

Here is what happened that fateful day on March 13, 2013:

I had written one of my most controversial articles of all time, “Love the Sinner, hate the Sin?  That’s Not What God or Jesus Did!” Almost as soon as it was posted, it seemed, I was attacked by both atheist and Christian alike.  What bothered me most was that it seemed that Christians were attacking most and it seemed that they were intentionally misreading my post. Christians leveled verses at me that implied I had said unbiblical things in my article.  Things like, ‘God hates everyone; Jesus said to not forgive anyone; God gave us permission to hate each other; Jesus doesn’t forgive us; etc’.    I was frustrated and losing my patience when a supposed pastor accused me of being an angry person for merely writing the article.  Coming from a ‘pastor’, I knew it would carry weight and that angered me tremendously, especially as he never spoke to why my article was biblically incorrect.  He had just attacked me personally.  I called the Pastor a ‘liar’, which was too strong, I admit, but as I said, I was losing my cool at the time.  Stephen’s was the very next comment.  And he was questioning my choice of word, ‘liar’.  It was the last stroke for me.  I couldn’t stand one more person judging the article based on my personality or how I was behaving in the comment section!  I lost my temper.  See below:

  • Stephen T. McCarthy

    SLR ~
    Siloampastor4huck is “literally, speaking a lie”? You mean he can’t possibly have (mistakenly?) arrived at a different interpretation from yours? There can be no honest disagreement? He is “literally lying”, as in deliberately twisting truth in order to maliciously present a falsehood in order to deceive others?

    ~ D-FensDogg
    ‘Loyal American Underground’

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  • Short Little Rebel

    as a pastor? come on, Stephen. If he is a pastor, he knows the Bible and thus, yes, he is lying about the Bible. IF he is not a pastor, then he is lying in his name. Many do. Your point? Ah. I know your point. Your point is to personally criticize my personality, my motive, etc. Why should I answer you? It seems to me that if my article was FALSE- as in, not supported biblically, rather than attack me PERSONALLY, you and people like you would use the BIBLE- (you know, that thing containing GOD’S WORD?), to show me the error of my ways, my thinking and my conclusion. But you don’t- you just get personal. That would make you a loser, wouldn’t it? I don’t like that, Stephen. Your motive is just anger and frustration- as is mine right now. Only, I don’t try to HIDE it. Not like you and your ilk do. Let’s evaluate THAT. I wrote and honest essay. It’s biblically sound. There is no other way to be more sound than to be in concurrence with God’s owns words. Don’t like his words? Take it up with him, BUDDY!. Personally, I am sick to death with people like you. How’s that for personal? Now, beat it off my page. You can go to Pastor Mr. Love & Cuddles and the two of you can sit around making up more stuff about God and Jesus and the Bible and teach it to others. Explain it later to God, alright?

    • vegicat

      While, certainly God would have no need to, we are not God… so, I was wondering what you do to alleviate stress, frustration and anger?

      I know a lot of people exercise, work out, etc. That doesn’t work for me. Other people I know tell me that they pray to have their anger removed. It seems to work for them. Taking a long walk while listening to music, or talking a long bath helps me somewhat. Any tips on how you let off steam?

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    • Short Little Rebel

      lol! Yes, yell at people sometimes! works wonders. lol!

As you can see, I even knew I was doing wrong- I said it in the comment, ” Your motive is just anger and frustration- as is mine right now. Only, I don’t try to HIDE it. Not like you and your ilk do.”  I knew I was wrong and admitted that I was acting out of ‘frustration and anger’, but at the time, (I remember this now) I thought, “For once!  I get to be mean just like everyone else!!  How’s it feel, People??”

And, as you can also see, Vericat is delicately trying to get me to destress a few minutes later, only I didn’t take the hint- though clearly I understood her.  I said, “lol! Yes, yell at people sometimes! works wonders. lol!”  and I proceeded to continue my fit with several more commenters on the article.  Not my best day for sure.  It shames me to tell you the truth.

So, you can see that I used Stephen as a punching bag and didn’t regret it.  He thought I remembered him as the guy who left all those comments- but I didn’t.  I didn’t know who he was and I didn’t care.  It led to his angry blog and him hooking up with my rapist’s wife- also to his vengeful reference to my anguishing rape defamation trial on his site (which hurt me doubly).

proverbs-15_1It was immature, foolish, weak, stupid, bad, embarrassing, and worst of all, a distraction from Christ.  James, Jesus’ brother wrote:

“16 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.”

So,  I apologize to Stephen McCarthy, a fellow Christian, and I apologize to my readers.  Every reader counts; every person counts.  When we lash out, we are not being wise.  When we lash out, we create anger in the world.  When we lash out, we are taking away from the kingdom of God.  And when we lash out, we should take the time to say, “I’m sorry,” right away.    You know, I had to just laugh a little at myself the other night when I discovered all this.  For four years, I had blamed this man.  And all along, at the very bottom of the pit of this problem lay the tiny seed of my pride, anger and fear.  I might have been bitter except for the Holy Spirit leading me wisely to this apology and blog post.  “Learn,” said He.  “Teach,” said He.

And so.  Here you have the fruits of that good advice.  And now, finally, I am forgiven by God.  It is a weight lifted.

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15 comments

    • Hi Joseph, while Jesus never had to apologize to anyone, I think I get what you are saying. Sadly, as humans, we will fall down. Luckily for us, we have the saving grace of the Lord, his beautiful instruction of the Bible and the Holy Spirit that guides us (as he did the other night when he prompted me to finally look into Stephen’s grievance.) Truly, this life is not an easy road. But for those of us who love Jesus, it is worth living if we can use our mistakes for the benefit of others.

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  1. It takes a strong and mature person to write such words. Yes, we are responsible for our actions, but when we humble ourselves, we can be forgiven. As a professor once said of his infamous tests, “this too shall pass.” Hang in there!

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    • thank you. And I will. No one is perfect and I feel much better now. Apologizing for what you did wrong is the best course of action and teaching others not to fall into the same kind of pit you did is even better!

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  2. Wow! What power our words have. Not a coincidence that I had a misunderstanding on my fb wall yesterday. You hit the nail on the head with your last comments about pride. Thanks, Good read

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    • Glad you liked my article. It was difficult to write. I can tell you that when I found that I started the altercation, I was truly dumbfounded. That’s why I decided to write an entire article. The Bible is never wrong on such matters. We think that we can ‘just let our hair down’ sometimes and ‘be bad’ like other people, but there are consequences that you don’t realize that can happen.

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  3. Much of this is lost on me. Though I vaguely recall this story–from Stephen’s blog, not yours–having been reading many blog posts in my nearly 8 years of blogging it’s hard for my old overladen memory to recall a good deal of what I have read. My inclination is to think that this was probably an overblown misunderstanding on both sides, but it’s not my heart and soul feeling the pain either so my judgement on this probably means little. I’ve seen some big misunderstanding come about from blog post communications and it can be mighty sad. Sometimes the written word doesn’t come across as we intend it and at other times we just plain hear things wrong.

    I’d say that you’ve given a fair apology and hope STMcC will do the same, though like I say I can’t feel what the two of you have felt so what I think is of little consequence. Stephen is essentially the one that drew me into blogging so I’ve considered him a great friend as well as a mentor for many years. He’s a great guy who has an approach that is honest, but sometimes misunderstood. But I do think the world of him.

    AS far as his feeling offended (if that is the right word) about your not visiting his blog posts I can kind of relate. I am a believer in reciprocity of visits in blogging and try my best to visit everyone who ever leaves a comment and expect a similar response from other bloggers. I have found that those with WordPress blogs are the worst when it comes to commenting on Blogger blogs like the platform I myself blog on. In fact I’ve done posts on this topic. I understand issues of time or accessibility for some bloggers, but most I think should have the courtesy of at least one or two visits to a blogger who has commented on their blog. But such is the world of blogging. Since I do most of my blog visiting based on who has commented on my posts (I tend to get a number of comments per post so I tend not to seek out many other bloggers like I’ve done in the case of this post of yours), if I never hear from a blogger then they will likely not see me on their blogs either.

    From my recollections (which are often poor these days), I recall Stephen praising your blog many times prior to the run in that is referred to in your post here. So now I guess it’s up to you all to make peace. The story sounds pretty complex to me at this point and I have enough of my own blogging issues to deal with these days.

    Hope it works well for everyone concerned.

    Blessings to all of us!

    Arlee Bird
    Tossing It Out

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    • Yes, apparently he had praised my blog a good bit before I lost my temper with him. When I lost my temper, I didn’t realize who he was, you see. But the point is this: it really doesn’t matter who someone ‘is’. We, as Christians must learn to control our tongues. There really isn’t any excuse for us to just have a melt down and strike out at a bystander. And if we do, we are responsible for correcting the situation immediately. That is the point. When I saw his angry article, I never linked it to that incident until a couple nights ago and when I did, it came as quite a shock. I rarely, rarely, rarely unload on an innocent bystander. In fact, he might be the ONLY one to whom I did this. (I HAVE unloaded on those who merited it! ha.) If you can believe the odds of that. It is a wonderful lesson to be learned by all. Thank you for your kind response, Arlee. I, too, hope that Stephen sees my article for what it is. Christians should not be fighting- especially in public.

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    • I went to check out your blog, Arlee, and it sounds like you have found great success over the years. Congrats. I read your thoughts about daily writing and how you have been rethinking that. Personally, I only write when I feel the Holy Spirit has inspired me. Unfortunately, when my rapist brought his 2.3 million dollar lawsuit for defamation against me in 2013, I found myself very depressed and perhaps some of that ‘daily discipline’ could have held me in good stead. Who knows? I had written an article about my rape at West Point and named him as my rapist. I wrote this article in support of a FOX news article about rape in the military and how Congress was threatening to take rape prosecution away from the military. Mine went unreported and I believed, so did my roommate. I wanted to emphasize the seriousness of the problem in my article. This brought an official Army investigation and to my great surprise, a civil lawsuit from my rapist. Sadly, I had only cooperated with the Army at their behest. Even more sadly, had I never tried to help rape victims or even chose to blog for Christ to begin with, I would never have found myself in this situation! Those are all the thoughts that swirled around in my head for years. I almost stopped writing altogether last year. But now, for whatever reason, I am stronger through the trials (excuse the pun! lol). I don’t know where God is leading me with all this but I do hope that I am a better witness than I was in 2013. I don’t think I will ever post daily as I don’t have something of merit to say everyday, but I do think there should be ‘some’ discipline to writing. But then again, you can tire your readers out with too many posts, right? Especially if they are of the length I normally write! haha. Nice to meet you, congrats on your blog.

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  4. Wow, what an apology! Let me condense this into 2 sentences.

    “I, a great blogger and kind Christian, was once so cruel to a lowly fan (it really is SO hard to remember them all), and he wrote a babbling, poorly written, incoherent article and I just don’t even know how he’s a writer because his words barely made sense, like some kind of monkey pounding on a keyboard, and ultimately he was foolish and wrong. But anyway, I forgive him, because I am SUCH a good person.”

    You really do think highly of yourself, don’t you? Everyone always likes to think they’re the hero of their own story. I’m sorry to tell you, though, that you always were and are still now the villain. Now, I know it’s going to be hard sorting through the zeroes of comments you get lately, and that you probably won’t even publish this, but I just want you to know that. I also want you to know that I read Stephen’s post, and that it makes complete sense. Only someone of below average intelligence wouldn’t understand it or the writing within it. So either you’re trying to knock Stephen down just to make yourself look better, or you’re in denial, or you’re not as smart as you think you are. There’s really no other way of explaining it.

    By the way, I receive hundreds of comments on every blog entry I post, and I personally respond to every single one. I also remember every single person who comments, who e-mails, who responds via Facebook. It’s really not that hard to remember the people who love and appreciate your work. Again, I’ll reference that whole thing about you probably not being as smart as you think you are.

    And no, sorry, I’m not giving you my blog address, so that you may try to pepper me with angry, whiny insults and write your own backhanded post about how I’m a lowly simpleton and you can’t understand this comment and I’m dumb and wrong (but you forgive me, God bless you). I’ve already wasted enough time on you, knowing that not one single bit of this will soak in, because you like to perpetually play the poor victim and you think you’re the hero of this story.

    You’re not.

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    • I am always more than happy to post comments like yours. Why you seem to think I was ‘forgiving Stephen’ in my article is beyond me. I never accused him of wrongdoing and thus, never extended my forgiveness. I’m not sure how I “always [was] and are still now the villain,” as you say but I can see that you sure don’t like me obeying God! Now I KNOW I did right by apologizing to Stephen! It actually angers evil people to see Christians doing the right thing. Furthermore, no blogger or writer of any calibre EVER conceals their identity. We write to have our thoughts be known. It is an inner craving that will not be denied. In fact, many times, it brings hurtful criticism to our doors (please note your rather harsh comment). Only a liar says that he is a writer with a big blog with hundreds of comments and then, refuses to give his name or his blog’s name! Even if they write under a pen name, they will always reveal the pen name every time they write. But you hide the entirety of yourself from me and everyone! If you have ever written to me before, you actually chose to go to another IP Address so that I couldn’t track you because I did a search on your IP address in my comment section- no one from your IP address has ever written to me before. So, either we have never had an interaction (which makes me wonder at your vehemence) or you are determined, really determined to hide yourself from me. If I had truly done wrong to you or to Stephen by my apology, why should you be embarrassed to show yourself? What does Jesus say about that?

      “19 This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. 20 Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed. 21 But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God.”- John 3: 19-21

      I know it might seem harsh that I had to address Stephen’s writing style while making my apology, but it is also the true explanation for what happened. It was unavoidable. It was that or tell a lie. Past that, everything I said was a true explanation. You can choose to believe it or not. That’s up to you.

      ** Update: I see you tried to leave me a second comment. I deleted it. Sorry, you don’t get to leave two of these humdingers. But you revealed who you were in your second comment. You are no more than someone who didn’t like what I had to say in past blogs. My articles make you uncomfortable (perhaps you have sex with men or you are a Mormon?) and joined the ‘hate Short little Rebel’ club. You probably wrote a horrid comment and got banned from my page and that is why you now use the special app you have that changes your IP address! (wow, who brags about that?) The fact that you run around with the Mormon who wrote the hate page against me tells me that. You hated me long before you saw this apology. So, your comment here has no merit. You are no more than a troll exacting revenge.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I understand completely. Same thing happens to me. Over at a blog about how homeschooling has been misused and really messed up a whole bunch of kids who were writing their personal stories…i wrote what I thought was a sympathetic comment about how regular education can mess up kids also or that parents who do not homeschool can be monsters. My comment was deleted for being victim-blaming. I thought hmm, learning something new but i tend to say or write things that are often taken in the wrong way no matter what. After having most of my comments deleted, even after trying to write in a way that let them know i was not blaming them for anything that happened in their life and that Jesus was there to help them I just gave up reading that blog. The blog is mostly for those who have given up on Christianity anyway so comments about jesus were also deleted. My personal feeling is that these kids already have something in their personality and mental make-up hat no matter what kind of schooling they got, they would have had serious problems.

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    • Esbee, there are those in the world, especially on social media, who truly hate anyone who loves Christ. Look at the horrible comment above yours? What did I do to that man? Nothing. People like him never leave their names, emails or their photos. They hide because they are cowards and liars. They always accuse, but never leave specifics of your wrongdoing. In the end, it always boils down to a hatred of Christ. Evil people hate you because they hated Christ first. The fact is this: these are the ones who attacked us first. And we successfully pushed off their attack and now they are rabid for revenge. Or, they didn’t like what we had to say in the first place because it exposed their sin and now, they hate us and want to shut us up. But we will never stop speaking the truth until we die, will we? Rather than quit their sin and be able to come into the light, they are determined to continue in their sin- but then, they must shut us up because our voices ruin their fun. And so, like Christ, they will continue coming after us for no reason other than their own shame and we will continue speaking. God will protect us and even if we lose the earthly battle, we will still win the eternal one. Stay strong, Esbee, stay strong.

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  6. It is SO difficult to say exactly what you mean in blogposts, and have everyone understand exactly what you mean, as well. One person may think you’re wonderful for doing it — another thinks you’re a prig — yet another thinks you’re being sarcastic. And meanwhile, you’re supposed to hover above it all.
    I also think the whole thing may be a tad overblown on both sides; after all, this happened more than four years ago. Readers would see the dates and understand that. I also think that your scars are still fresh from other battles, so it’s difficult not to see everything negative as an attack. (Although the response earlier in this post’s comments is WAY more nastier than deserved. Expressing your opinion tactfully: fine. Implying that you are the Great Arbiter of Everything and Know All: obnoxious.)
    My wondering: have you sent a link to this post to Stephen’s blog? I may be the only Christian in the blogging universe who hasn’t read his blog (or heard of him, quite frankly). On the other hand, I only found you recently because of the “autistic child who wanted to say gobble gobble” brouhaha. (Did that ever get resolved? All I noticed were FB accounts closed…)

    People can sue. That doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll collect. I’ve been in this situation — I know the pain and financial difficulties. But please remember that. Keep writing, and best wishes.

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    • Hi Cindy, no, Stephen is not widely known. Heck, I’m not widely known. Even with 6 million hits on my blog, I don’t think anyone could consider my blog ‘popular’ yet. But that’s not why I apologized to Stephen. In fact, it was in apologizing to Stephen that most people even know this happened at all. I apologized because I felt very convicted by the Holy Spirit to not only apologize, but to teach others through my own sin, shame and then awakening. I guess that is the reason I began this blog in the first place- it was to show the power of God in an everyday person’s life. I wanted to prove the existence of God by showing how he can change a person through time. That’s why I have never deleted all the shameful things I wrote back in the early days of my writing. I used to lose my temper more often. I used to be more vindictive, more prideful- just more… everything! But this I know: I ALWAYS loved God more than anything in the world. And HE was always louder than all my imperfections put together. THAT was the point of this whole experiment called Short Little Rebel. Oh, Cindy! You don’t know how many times I have wanted to wipe the Short Little Rebel slate clean! My enemies love to go backward in time and take things I have written, especially in the comment sections of my articles, and use them as examples of what a bad person I am, of what a terrible Christian I am. They use my temper, my outbursts, my lack of patience toward my attackers to basically say that what I said in my articles wasn’t true. But the articles are all true. Were they not, I would have taken them down. But I have had to take a beating after beating over my past comments- and yes, I have desired to wipe them off the face of the planet. But if I did that, then my whole experiment would be lost! My whole proof of God would be destroyed! These years of blogging prove that I have changed SO MUCH as a person. All one has to do is read how I used to respond to people to how I do now. The Lord, God, has brought me to a greater maturity and a greater wisdom. He has filled me wider and fuller with his love. These years of pain from my critics have forced me to be introspective like nothing else could have made me be. Even this trial has forced me to self evaluate… everything. I believe I have more compassion than ever for human beings and the human condition. And if the price is that I must leave my shameful past conduct online as fodder for my enemies, then so be it. But I did mean this apology. I can only hope that Stephen can take it for what it is. I can only hope that he sees his own part in this situation and manages to find peace with God as well. When Christians argue in public, it opens the door for the Enemy to rejoice. We should apologize and unite. There are difficult days ahead.

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